Totally lost and so down.

[Bonnie90x]

Hi all, haven't posted on here before but have lurked and chipped in many times.
I'm hoping for some kind reassuring words as I'm becoming increasingly down these days and I suppose I'm looking for an outlet.
I'm 32, 8 months pregnant with a 3 year old DD. Last month we relocated from England to my DP's hometown, due to him needing a change of job and us all needing some more space and a more 'rural' upbringing for our kids.
I'm exhausted, homesick and sadly, struggling to grapple some feelings of resentment for my dp given that I feel so miserable. There is nowhere for me to go on foot (local shops etc) and I can't drive, so I'm desperately isolated. My DP is working long hours and I'm really struggling to hold myself together with a demanding (though very sweet and good) toddler and being so tired and homesick. I miss friends and my family.

DPs family live very close by and they are very lovely and supportive but they too have their own lives to live and jobs etc. I feel like me and dp have grown apart since moving here as he's always tired with work and I'm tired after my day with my dd.
I feel abandoned by him even though I know he has to work to support us, and I can't help but harbour this dislike for him from somewhere. I feel really bad about it but I just feel invisible these days like he's oblivious to how low I am, despite me telling him repeatedly that I'm finding it so hard. I think he chalks it down to hormones which I suppose is partly true.

Can anyone relate to this? Sorry it's so jumbled and rambly.

Life is hard.
And you can either count your blessings or moan on regardless.
Your choice OP.

Pallasathena... wtf? So no one's allowed to be unhappy just have to count your blessings and fucking get on with it. Jesus wept. Have a heart you ray of sunshine

Bonnie, your dealing wh a lot of things all at once. Isolation from family, physical Isolation as you cant drive, not seeing much of your husband, busy with a toddler (lets face it they're enough to drive us all mad) AND you're 8 months pregnant.

Can you start learning to drive or get taxis anywhere (don't know what the covid situation is like where you are) are there any womens groups meeting virtually you could tap into and start to make some friends, mummy groups...

Could you move in with in laws for a bit? Or home for a little while? Just while hubby is so busy or until you've recovered from the birth?

Thank you letsgetbizzy, I really do appreciate your reply. Yes covid restrictions are in full swing here too so learning to drive isn't an option just yet, plus nurseries are closed and there are no socials /groups running.
I suppose there's a lot of people in this situation due to covid so hopefully in time things will improve. I do count my blessings, I really do. I think like you say there's a lot going on at once and I was hoping for some kind words I suppose, or hoping that other people could relate or offer some tips or suggestions or anything really, so thank you for your kind words. X

You need to make your own life op, been there.

@pallasathena

Life is hard. And you can either count your blessings or moan on regardless. Your choice OP.

I’m sorry, did you take a wrong turn and think this was AIBU?

Bonnie you’ve had so much upheaval in a short period of time, even before you factor in being heavily pregnant and, yannow, the whole global pandemic thing. It’s totally understandable to be feeling overwhelmed and upset - and just because other people might be feeling the same or worse or have other things going on doesn’t make your feelings any less valid.

Thanks Browncoatwaffles.
Tomorrow's a new day I suppose.

@pallasathena

Life is hard. And you can either count your blessings or moan on regardless. Your choice OP.

Hey OP, at least you’re human and not some patronising shitbag that craps on people when they’re down! That’s one blessing you could count, I guess.

Honeyroar yes that reply did sting a bit I have to say, but I accept that opening up to strangers online leaves you vulnerable to things you don't necessarily want to hear. Thankfully the majority of what I see on here is mostly kind and supportive. X

I'm in a similar position myself.

Moved after marriage. No friends here. In laws close and supportive but busy. 3 under 5 in second floor flat with no lift so can't go out much despite living in the city.

Husband working long hours from home then needs to rest. He's supportive but not much helpful. In fact I feel like I should be the one helping him more. Also feeling resentful.

Sorry no advice to give here just wanted to say you're not lonely.

@AsiaNur 3 under 5, that's tough, I had 3 under 2.

When mine were small, I had a friend who lived in a flat with 2 small children and I gave her a key to my house so she could come round during the day when I was at work and have more space, let children use garden.

Good luck op, hang in there for now. Talk to your partner, don't let resentment build up.

@pallasathena, wow really,kicking someone when there down is not on,go crawl back under your rock!

I've been in your position (20 years ago) we relocated due to exh work,I felt isolated,missed my family everyday was awful,like ground hog day! I know it's not possible right now (due to lockdown) but I made new friends by going to mother and baby/toddler groups,maybe when the restrictions are relaxed you might consider something like that( it helped me ) I know you said your rural! Is there anything like this near you x

Thanks so much everybody for your supportive comments it really does mean a lot.

@AsiaNur gosh that does sound really tough on you, I really hope once restrictions lift you're able to get out and join some groups etc, that does seem to be the way to make friends etc. Sending you strength and sanity to push on through.

Thanks again everyone xx

@Itstimetoquit thank you, reassuring to know others have managed it.
Yes there's a town about a 10 minute drive from me, I just need covid to bugger off so I can book some driving lessons and get mobile. Hoping once I can drive it'll open up new horizons

@MaLarkinn Wow I can't even imagine that. It was 3 under 4 last year slowly getting better.

@Bonnie90x Thanks a lot. Wish the best for you too.

I can quite understand that life seems utterly shit at the moment, OP! Being isolated from your previous home area and friends, heavily pregnant, unable to drive and stuck in the house during lockdown is a toxic mix.
I would break it down into manageable steps.
Short term, getting through the pregnancy and delivery: Try to make use of whatever local support is available - DH’s family, getting to know your new neighbours, local Facebook groups etc.
Medium term: Once lockdown is eased (hopefully in the Spring as vaccination rates rise and infections fall), get stuck in to those driving lessons and get yourself mobile. Also see what public transport is available to get some days out before you pass your test.
Long term: Look at job opportunities and child care options locally, plus any hobby groups that interest you - all ways of making new friends and building a social circle.
Finally, keep looking ahead. You have a lovely future with a new baby, a pleasant rural lifestyle, and the chance to shape your life however you want it. Things are definitely going to get better. Chin up!

Hi OP, things sound hard for you right now. You may be able to find some zoom groups - have a google - even if not local, you might find some support. Things will get better (vaccinations) and you won't always feel so vulnerable. Best of luck.

@Babdoc that is so helpful, thank you!! You're absolutely right I must break things down rather than focussing so heavily on everything all at once. Really appreciate your comments thank you so much. X

@rebelwithverysharpclaws I hadn't even thought of that, but will have a look :)

This is a tunnel you are in and you will come out the other side. And the weather will get better.
Your main issue is that your home life sounds tense at the minute. It was your choice also to move, so although your anger is directed at your DP, you had a role in the move as well. So accept your part in that decision.
If you are miserable and complaining a lot, or being silent and non communicative, taking the stance that he made you move against your will, its not pleasant for the partner, and the result is he may avoid you im order to avoid what you are saying, or indeed how you are saying it.
He may not be aware of how you are feeling if its only communicated through sighs or channelled into complaints about unrelated topics such as the shower not even working right in this stupid house.
Can you have a chat to him, and tell him openly that you are just finding it hard and that incudes that you are struggling to communicate with him too? This may open things up for you and bring you two closer. As he could be the support that can help you get through. If you turn towards him rather than away.
Is there a driving theory test you could get working on? To get you started.

@sadie9 that's absolutely fair enough, yes, I suppose I would be a bit snappy towards him about little things which isn't pleasant. I mostly cry alot and I do express that I'm finding things difficult but I just sense we are world's apart because his experience here is totally different to mine so far. But yes, i need to learn to not push him away as I suppose I might be doing that a bit. I'm hoping after I've had the baby atleast my hormones might settle down a bit. They certainly don't help! Thanks very much for your reply I appreciate it x