Hi, I'm not sure were to start here im new to mumsnet, and after some deep thought I thought ill tell the world what I'm going through, its not easy writing this, so please be kind. So here is how my relationship started I was 19 heavily pregnant due to give birth in a weeks time, baby's dad and I split up, I lived with my parents and out of the blue my step dads acquaintance knocked on out door he hasn't seen him in years. Popped in for a cup of tea I was upstairs listening to music went down stairs in to the kitchen to see who it was, we all started chatting, he was offering to cut the grass and hedge, then after a while he was asking me questions like am I with my bf still? Am I moving out? (he was 40 by the way) he asked for my number, I was vulnerable 19 yr old heartbroken that me and my ex split up, so we went on a date things went well he came across all nice saying he could help me out with the new baby ect. He lived in a flat and told me there is one empty across the road, I said I was interested in a different one, no dont take that he said take this one its only across the road from me 
ohh ok then so I moved in across the road from him, since then my life was hell not really realising I was being controlled by this man, he would kick my front door in if we had a argument hit me all in front of my ds. He would tell me I couldn't do anything without him that I would always need him, and I always started the arguments. 6 years in our relationship we had a dd we still argued he would play mental mind games and wind me up, his neighbours never liked me I could tell.They were the sort of people that live in each others shoes. All because he came across as charming and would do everything for them and would try and make me look the bad one if we had argued its all just weird they were like one big family to him just very odd. I wanted to go back to work he would pick my job roles so I don't meet other men, only female environments, 6 months towards the end of our relationship things were getting alot worse one night we had a argument and he grabbed me by my throat, still I went bk with because of the dc, then a few months down the line it was time to leave he didn't take it very well, knocking my door all night blowing up my phone it got worse, a few weeks later getting one of the neighbours to slash all four tyres on my car whilst I was at work my oldest ds knew as he told me, cut along story short, we went through courts fighting for my dc as he was refusing to return them home to me, I was only seeing my dc once a week with a social worker as I was to scared to be in the community on my own through threats i had from the neighbours was very hard, my oldest ds was poisoned against me he now hates me from my ex calling me awful things in front of my ds, he failed an alchol test, has got a criminal record that caff cass dug up I never knew about, I have never been in trouble and have a clean record, but social workers let the dc live with him and I see them once a week, this was all because they had been with him for 6 months, she wasn't very understanding about dv she didn't care.
I have since moved away from him and after deep thinking I made a very difficult decision to just walk away, from my dc or it would never stop im heartbroken 💔 I think of them every day missing them like crazy I feel like I've been failed as a mother by the whole system, I'm hoping one day they will understand why I had to walk away, and want to see me again thanks for taking the time to read just wanted to know if anyone else out there has had a similar experience like this? and how do you cope it really has effected me in a really bad way.