Stbexp checking on my vibrator

[Faulksonline]

Evening all, bit awkward but looking for some views on this -
Towards the end of last year I admitted to my DP that I wasn't happy, no longer in love & feeling totally suffocated. Wfh and lick down highlighted this. We effectively split up with him sleeping on the sofa. Agreed to speak to mortgage co after Xmas but January lock down & a big birthday in Feb (his) has put this on hold a little. 2 kids 4 & 8. He has discussed with some close friends but not his family. Anyway. I have a small make up bag on my wardrobe with a couple of vibrators inside. I've noticed (wfh based in my bedroom) if he takes the kids out when he gets home he finds a reason to come upstairs & glance at the wardrobe. I've also noticed items around the bag are moved/re-positioned. Only my stuff up there & no reason for anyone else to touch my stuff. I leave it untidy, a day later things are re-positioned around the bag. He's checking up on my vibrator usage. It's weird, right? I haven't challenged as confident denials will almost certainly come and I don't want to forget that this is ok behaviour to him (until challenged). Or am I over thinking this & need to get over it?

I can’t understand what he’s checking though, it’s not like you can tell if it’s been used or has a last usage timer or whatever unless he’s feeling if it’s warm and recently used yuck, the mouse trap idea is great.. but also a simple note like ‘stay away from my belongings you fucking perv” so he know you know but can’t mention it without dropping himself in it. Also do kids have iPads? Set it in a corner on charge or something, pointing to the bag, set to record...

He can't tell anything from looking at them, obviously. Just move them if you're concerned.

My STBXH used to check mine as well, used to fiddle with the batteries or tie up the handles on the bag they were in so that he’d know if I’d used it. No idea why he wanted to know, he hid them in the end, no idea where they went to. I think he was threatened by me using them, though he’d bought them in the first place so it’s all very weird.

Putting chilli powder on them? Lick the tip before use

I know it is gross but my yes, my ex used to check my vibrator... If it had any marks on it or "smelled"- he knew I used it and made comments (not positive). When I realised he was checking on me - I washed it after every use - he was then paying attention to the positioning and where it was left in the bag.... I know crazy... And yes, he was very controlling in all the other areas too...

I've just got my first one, and kind of want my OH to find it, so maybe he'll work out I have needs and am a normal person

@Faulksonline

Silly man - you don't actually NEED a vibrator to "self-sooth".

By all means put a mousetrap in the bag and just leave it where it is and sort yourself out... 🌹

Thanks so much for all the replies, apologies for not coming back sooner.

For those who asked, he is defo checking by arranging items around the bag; if he has taken the kids out he will come up to the bedroom where I'm working to chat & I can see him looking up to the top of the wardrobe (he's tall) while ostensibly looking out of the window. Items are arranged in a way I haven't. I believe it started just before we split (& one of the things that tipped the balance for me) when he thought I'd used a vibrator in his absence & he felt compelled to raise it as an opportunity for him he had been denied. He sulked. He also proclaimed after ds was born that 'it's the not knowing that is killing him' regarding our sex life resuming. Makes you feel pressured, you know? As if his needs should be considered above all. Anyway, I'll move the bag as it's causing resentment from me on an issue I'm not ready to tackle head in.

I can't be totally sure, but I'm pretty confidant he isn't using anything from the bag. And I sensibly took out a single vibrator & hid it somewhere else so I can't be policed.

Otherwise, I'm totes putting a mouse trap up there so his fingers get snapped.

I agree too with previous posters about getting separated, long over due. It all sounds so childish when I read it back 🤷‍♀️

When me and my ex were splitting up and living separately in the same house he took the batteries out of mine 😂

When we split I slept in the conservatory until I moved out. . I noticed a pair of my nice pj's were missing. One morning went looking for something and found stbexh wanking into them! I waited until the worst moment to burst in and ask him if he had quite finished?! He was mortified.
Especially after years of drumming into me he never did and I shouldn't either.. (he was a Catholic). That 'fact' was a bigger joke than our marriage. But that's another story.

Mu first instinct was hidden camera too. Check the top of the wardrobe. The moving of your stuff around may be a blinder to get you to think that's what he is doing.

I'd also flat out tell him to stay out of your things and that if you have a wank, its none of his buisness.

Your STBXH sounds like a controlling cock-end.
I mean what's he going to do if you HAVE used it - phone the police?

Fuck with his head. Move them around, hide one, hide them both, replace them with a cucumber or an ear of sweetcorn. Really freak him out, the nosey sod.

It seems as if you are controlling and paranoid.

Why is he the one that's that now has no bedroom? You are the one who has instigated the split.

@crestar controlling? Paranoid, perhaps, but controlling is a stretch, surely?

Order the biggest vibrator you can find and a mega pack of Duracell and a massive tube of lube. Move them every day to a different part of the room - like Where’s Wally - and watch his eyes scan the room frantically while he’s talking to you.

Yup, I’m voting for both the mousetrap and buying some of the biggest ones you can find.

Or just get a huge courgette/cucumber in the next grocery shop and “casually” have it in your bedroom for a week

Write just a phone number of your local Chinese or something innocuous on a piece of paper and pop it in your make up bag.
That will put him in a dilemma, he’ll only know what it is by ringing or asking you.

I’d leave a note saying ‘Fuck off you nosy cunt’ and leave it in your bag. He won’t be able to tackle you about it without admitting he is snooping.

[quote Faulksonline]@crestar controlling? Paranoid, perhaps, but controlling is a stretch, surely?[/quote]
She needs to get over it and start thinking about how she is going to affect her children's lives.

Seems like she is the controlling one calling all the shots on her terms.

Just move them somewhere else, then see what he says

Take them out and display them on a shelf instead.

Swap them for a carrot and a courgette 😂

Sounds like he thinks your having an affair and using toys on video calls.

People become paranoid when they are dumped.
Find a better hiddy place.

Buy shit loads of new toys and leave them out on display. What's he gonna do! Then sort out your split properly and enjoy.