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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Should I believe him? Coz I dont!

20 replies

Loopylynne · 10/02/2021 11:21

So when I was 2 weeks from having my son I felt the need to look through OH phone. Found him messaging another woman. Telling her he was single. Wanted more than just sex etc. I phoned her told her the situation and she swore blind nothing had happened and that she had blocked him as she had a sneaking suspicion he wasnt all he was saying. Found him on snap chat too trying to talk to like 50 girls. A few replied. One of the girls photos actually saved on to his phone. I went nuts but so close to giving birth I decided to "forgive"

Fast forward 6 months I'm a wreck. I looked again at his phone last night.in his Gallery theres a "snapchat" folder with one picture which was disgusting to see. Also that he had been googling to find his ex. He told me that because he used his old google account that must b y. He hadnt searched her since before we met. Even tho the date was this year.

Hes now going nuts with me telling me to take the phone to the shop because he definitely hasnt. Also on google he searched snapchat log in the same date the picture was saved to phone.

I know hes talking shit... I just need someone to confirm it for me.

Too many coincidences.

Hes now shouting at me calling me names for not believing him.

OP posts:

AttilaTheMeerkat · 10/02/2021 11:26

He was talking shit before and he is talking shit now.

Get yourself and your child away from him particularly now he is shouting at you for not believing him. He is shouting because you, his meal ticket, have finally got the measure of him.

What is the situation re the property and finances?. He would also be financially responsible for his child going forward so I would put in a claim.

lyingwanker · 10/02/2021 11:29

Yeah that's how liars often react when they're caught out. He's trying to bully you into never dating to confront him again.

He's a liar and a cheat. It will only become harder to leave as the baby gets older. Leave as soon as you can, preferably while you're still angry. Don't waste any more of your life with a lying, cheating bully. Trust me, I wasted over 8 years with one and it almost destroyed me.

Bekilted · 10/02/2021 11:29

You don't need confirmation. He's gaslighting you, thus he is abusive. I'd be gone already.

Flyingf1edgelings · 10/02/2021 11:39

You and your child deserve so much better than this piece of shit I’m so sorry you are going through this.

Windmillwhirl · 10/02/2021 11:43

You know the truth. He could never be trusted.

Now it's about what you are going to do?

Itstimetoquit · 10/02/2021 11:50

Trust has gone...leave him x

Original poster

Loopylynne · 10/02/2021 11:58

I guess I just needed that backup that he is talking shit. It's not even about getting pics from sluts... (well it is a bit) but more the lying. Hes now back to saying "oh weve been getting on so well lately cant we just forget it and b friends again?" ABSOLUTELY NOT.

Any time I've asked him to leave he tells me no and if I want him out I'll need an army. Also has told me before that he'd leave with our son and I'd never see him again. I get that people say shit when angry but that one has put the fear of god into me.

Hes a duck n diver. I've had enough now. Also seen he owes people money too and just ignoring them. I think it best I leave with the 3 kids (older 2 not his)

OP posts:

iamtheoneandonlyyy · 10/02/2021 12:04

Definitely get gone. He's full of shit, you can't put a price on your calm

youvegottenminuteslynn · 10/02/2021 12:05

Any time I've asked him to leave he tells me no and if I want him out I'll need an army.

Or one police officer because I bet he wouldn't be such a big man if he was actually at risk of being arrested - he sounds like a fucking teenager the way he's desperately sending thirsty messages to dozens of women on Snapchat. Ugh. He's not a suitable partner, he's a liar, he's gaslighting you and he's bullying you into submission.

Your baby is six months old, there's no way he would be seen as a fit resident parent and him withholding the child from you would be so clearly not in their best interest, especially if you're breastfeeding, that he hasn't got a leg to stand on.

Men like him more often than not threaten 50/50 custody etc but in reality are too excited about their new life of snapchatting unsuspecting women to actually bother going through with court. And even if he did, he's not going to become resident parent.

Start the process of leaving ASAP. Ask the police for support if he won't go. He'll likely shit himself.

Do you have any reason to believe he is a physical threat? Has he ever been violent? Keep a log of his behaviour somewhere he can't get to it eg a locked note on your phone. To keep you strong and remember how shit he's been but also as the start of evidence should you need it if his behaviour escalates.

OldLang · 10/02/2021 12:22

Pps are all correct.

Minor aside; slut is an awful word for the women who'll have been duped just like you. They're probably none the wiser. He's the one talking (and lying to) dozens of girls.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 10/02/2021 12:27

@OldLang

Pps are all correct.

Minor aside; slut is an awful word for the women who'll have been duped just like you. They're probably none the wiser. He's the one talking (and lying to) dozens of girls.

I agree with this too, that wording jarred with me too.

mylovelydd · 10/02/2021 12:28

You know he's lying. Your senses told you something was up when you were two weeks away from giving birth, that's why you checked his phone and when you checked it 6 months later it was even worse.

Are you renting or do you own the house? Whose name(s) is it in?
If it's yours I would ask him to leave and if he kicks off phone the police. You owe this man nothing. If it's in his name I would leave with the DC.

By the way It's not even about getting pics from sluts.. unless the women involved knew he was partnered (and it sounds like they didn't) then the women have done nothing wrong. He is the thirsty mess drooling everywhere and messaging them. Don't call them sluts. They are just women and they are not the problem.
He is.

DioneTheDiabolist · 10/02/2021 12:32

Of course you shouldn't believe him. He's a big fat lying liar. And a cheat and a scumbag.

Itsasinisitnot · 10/02/2021 12:33

We know he's lying, and so do you. You and your baby are worth more. Ditch and run

toocold54 · 10/02/2021 12:45

If you feel the need to look through your partner's phone then the relationship is already over.

You either don't trust him or he is untrustworthy, and a relationship won't work with either scenario.

LucyHarper · 10/02/2021 13:21

If he is behaving like this then i don't think should believe him anymore. He don't deserve that.

WhirlingGerbil · 10/02/2021 14:18

What a scum bucket.

WhirlingGerbil · 10/02/2021 14:20

Tell him you believe him, OP, but you're concerned about your vision as it must be playing tricks on you with the dates you saw, plain as day. I'd tell him I'm just off to Durham for an eye test.

What a wanker. Literally.

Yellow85 · 10/02/2021 14:24

‘Friends again’ there’s your answer. I don’t think he’s in the same kind of relationship as you. Run for the hills whilst your baby is young enough to not be impacted by a cheating pos.

Wanderlusto · 10/02/2021 15:07

What does it matter if he is lying?

Why does he have to be cheating (ect) for this relationship to be bad enough for you to leave?

The relationship isn't healthy and you arent happy. A relationship should compliment (not complete) our life...this guy just makes you stressed and miserable. Get rid.

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