Getting back with an ex. The good the bad and the ugly

[ThirdTimeIucky]

Just that really. Can it work or is it always a mistak? We have discussed trying again. Raking it slowly, working separately on our own issues, then coming back to work on issues together. I still love him immensely, and I believe he loves me too.

Separated from my ex in May. I iniated it as a trial separation. I think honestly having a baby, financial issues, a house renovation, work uncertainties, and unhealthy habits that were carried from getting together so young, we were then blown to pieces by Lockdown.

He was unhappy with the idea of a trial, so we decided to end our marriage. I held off filing for divorce, however due to our circumstances the house was sold and we now have separate homes. One daughter together, amicably co parenting.

Why was he unhappy with a trial?

@ThatsnotmyBorishishairistoneat honestly he was unhappy about the separation as a whole. At the time we were with each other 24 7 and I strongly believed we needed some breathing space to get our heads straight. I wasn't able to give a definite time frame, which he wasn't happy with.

The good? you know what your getting into the bad? you split for a reason the ugly? He wouldn't give you time and space to sort your mental health out just how much does he value this relationship?

You split for a reason has anything changed? Can you cope with any relationships that he might have had when you were split? Is he just in it for when things are going good? Is it really worth rocking the boat for?

So he wanted to either stay together or divorce? Just to be clear.

What are the issues though?

It's still lockdown though if it affects your lives as in having to be around each other too much don't jump straight back into living together for now, see how it goes working on the relationship rather than going back as before, this way you can see if anything can be salvageable.

I’d be wary about going backwards. When things got tough.. it fell apart. You have a new home, perhaps concentrate on moving forward with your daughter. Only you can decide.

The last year or so has caused unprecedented stress for everybody. Plus all marriages have periods of stress and strain. You also have a child together. Honestly, it's easy to say to a stranger to split up when you won't suffer the consequences. In your shoes I would continue trying to work things out and go for counselling

How many times have you already split up and got back together? Two? Three?

Would he be open to counselling? I've never gotten back together with an ex, but I have friends who split and had counselling when they decided to try again, and it's been really good for them tbh

Couple of years down the line and you'll be back to square one, believe me! Experience

Even if some things change you'll realize other problems/they'll intensify. And it's hard to forget the stuff that went before.

Because you share a child, I think it's great to try again if you think theres hope. If you do things slowly, there's no risk really.

I'm sure many couples have had breaks. After 7 years me and my OH had a months break, albeit we didn't have kids or a mortgage yet. We decided to get back together and have had a successful 7 years since. We all succumb to pressure sometimes and Covid is a bit of an anomaly. And having a baby is very stressful.

@user195436581575 we have been together for 14 years, since we were 17. We split for a month or so after we had been together for a few months. Back together for over 13 years until now.

It sounds worth a try, if you can recognise the past mistakes and avoid them.