Before I start my story, a quick introduction of myself.
I am a female, 37 this year, has an amazing career, high earner, always confident, friendly and independent.
My partner is 1 year older than me. We met 15 years ago when we worked in the same company after my graduation from Uni. We have worked together for 2 years before we both came clean with our feelings towards each other. At the time, we were both in a relationship with our Exes but not working out. so we both separated from our Exes and got together.
As you can guess, although we had deep feelings for each other, our start was rocky because it involves broking up with our exes and hurting others. But we came through it.
At the first year our sex was mazing, I never knew I could enjoy sex so much with someone. We really love each other. 1 year into our relationship we got a flat together and move in.
That's when the arguments started, I think I had trust issues with him, for me, trust is earned while for him trust should be given unless someone betrayed their trust. We were so young then, we argue and we then make up.
During this period, our sex life has stopped, then it never picked up again. In the first few years, I feel so much resentment and don't know what to do, and he didn't want to talk about it. Then slowly year pass, the sex or shall I say sexless was always a issue for me but we sticked together regardless, I feel like I love him so much I almost dont want to give up.
The 5 years later, we moved in our first house together with a mortgage. Our relationship has improved, we dont argue much anymore, maybe because we both grow up, we still love each other so much, although sexless, we both dotnb want to slip up, so we started to see a sex therapist together, it turns out my partner had anxiety issues, some related to our early years, some related to his childhood. The session made us understanding each other more, I feel less resentment towards him or the feeling of rejection. however it didnt solve our issue, we only successful had 1 sex after the sessions. then the session stopped because of covid last year.
So we are having this sexless relationship for almost 10 out of our 12 years relationship. I most got used to the sexless life but it still doesn't stop me from thinking about sex, I really want the sexual intimacy between us.
Other than sex issue, we are very happy with each other, I am a positive person, day to day, I am always happy and cheerful. I am still deeply in love with him even after all these years, I am sure he does as well.
Yesterday during another conversation regarding trust and sharing, it came out he has a crush on one of his female colleague, he joined this company 2 years ago and that girl who is in her 20s joined the same time, he said there is nothing I need to worry about and it is just school boy crush.
Now I am much mature, I don't get jealous easily anymore. I understand there will always be office flirtations and crushes, but nothing will come out of it if we don't act on it. however on the other hand, it doesnt make me feel good he kept this crush a secret for 2 years and not telling me while I share everything with him.
I dont know what to think of the situation today, what should I do next?