Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Asking boyfriend to stop mid way through sex, feeling stupid and vulnerable.

16 replies

Fightingback16 · 09/02/2021 09:01

I feel a little stupid right now.

In the middle of having sex with my boyfriend last night I had to stop and say I can’t do this right now. He was extremely supportive but I feel stupid for showing him my vulnerability. He just held me and listened to me talking shit and told me it was ok because I have him now. I feel guilty because my problems are not his, but he knows the story and had been nothing but kind and hasn’t run off......maybe there are some really decent men out there after all.

Today I have a child contact court case regarding Domestic abuse and whether ex has admitted enough to avoid a fact finding trial or not. It was obviously on my mind and all the things that he did to me were fresh in my mind also and I just couldn’t continue with it in my mind.

Usually I don’t think about it but I guess it’s at the front of my mind due to filling and reading all the paperwork recently.

OP posts:
ALemonEntryDearWatson · 09/02/2021 09:04

Hope it goes well today

How long have you been with your boyfriend for? If it's a long time then I think absolutely fine to totally offload on him.

If it's a new relationship then I'd be wary of overdoing it

Fightingback16 · 09/02/2021 09:08

It’s only been 5 months although known for almost a year so I feel stupid and it’s too much what I did. I have told him that he really doesn’t need to stay because I understand at the moment it difficult. I’ve been separated two years and I really didn’t expect to be with anyone given all that’s going in but then I met him and he is such a nice guy.

OP posts:
Fightingback16 · 09/02/2021 09:10

I haven’t hid anything and I’ve been very upfront with what’s happening, not giving him details of the incidents but enough.

When I said to him last night I’m sorry I can’t do this he looked so sad because he thought I meant the relationship.

OP posts:
acatcalledjohn · 09/02/2021 09:12

He was extremely supportive but I feel stupid for showing him my vulnerability. He just held me and listened to me talking shit and told me it was ok because I have him now.

You didn't show him your vulnerability and even if you had, that wouldn't make you stupid. You were simply able to say no, and he respected that. That is a good thing.

Good luck today, OP.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 09/02/2021 09:12

I understand you feeling vulnerable - it's frightening to show weakness when you have a history of abuse, because your experience will have been that abusers exploit any weakness and use it to escalate the abuse.

But please don't call yourself stupid. There is no stupidity about asking him to stop. Please don't second guess yourself with crap like "Shouldn't have started in the first place", "Should have known this would happen", "Should have said something sooner"...

Try reframing it to positive, because there are a lot here.

  • You recognised that you weren't comfortable in the moment, rather than disassociating
  • You used your words to ask for what you needed - this is a really big step if you're used to having your words ignored
  • You were then able to articulate your feelings and explain why you didn't want to continue

All those are really positive steps that you took.

Plus more positives - your twat-dar has not malfunctioned to the point where you've repeated history with another abuser. Your BF stopped when asked to and validated your feelings. He reassured you that he won't hurt you. All of those are also positives.

Are you worried that he will see you as "a victim" because you showed your vulnerability? I have had huge problems with this myself. However I have learned to look at it like: if I was in a relationship (friendship, romantic, family - doesn't matter) with someone who showed me their "weakness", would I think less of them for it, or would I feel happy that they trusted me enough to show me that part of themselves?

Of course, I'd be happy that I now understood them a little better. I wouldn't be sitting there thinking "HAHA, LOSER!" and I'm willing to bet my last Pot Noodle that you wouldn't either :)

You have done a GOOD thing OP. Please see this as a step on the road to building your inner strength, because it is. Flowers

RealisticSketch · 09/02/2021 09:12

Your feelings are completely understandable and it sounds like he took it in his stride. It bodes well he sees you as a human with a history and feelings connected to those, rather than a sex performer who will dtd with an unbreakable mask covering anything beneath.
Don't over analyse it after the fact, two people had an honest moment and no-one was shocked, that's the dream.
Don't apologise, don't back pedal, just accept your vulnerable moment happened, it didn't cause an issue, then take the next step with your court case and your boyfriend with a clear conscience and no angst. Flowers

Isadora2007 · 09/02/2021 09:14

He’s a nice guy and happy to support you and you’re worth it. You are worth being valued and listened to and supported and loved.
You did not deserve the treatment that you got from your ex and I really hope all goes well with the court case etc.
Keep talking to your new partner and the trust will build up again and your hurt will heal. Try to not feel stupid for talking about it and its not “too much” to tell him at the pace you feel happy with. There ARE decent men out there and you are allowed to be happy.
Best wishes to you Flowers

Fightingback16 · 09/02/2021 09:21

His response surprised me a little. I turned over to hide myself so he didn’t see me and he just came behind and hugged me.

I am ashamed I guess of my vulnerability because my ex would tell me how pathetic I was, he had convinced me I had nothing to feel vulnerable about, which was obviously a lie.

But yes I can see the positives in some of what happened. But I am more surprised at his positive reaction.

OP posts:
adventurealice · 09/02/2021 09:43

It sounds like you have an amazing new boyfriend there Smile

Colourmeclear · 09/02/2021 13:12

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say, your worth as a partner isn't tied to whether you have sex or not. That might be way of the mark and I apologise if it is but I still think it's worth saying. You're allowed to not feel like it at any point because you have worries, because you're tired, because you just don't want to, because you changed your mind etc.

It sounds like you listened to what you needed, communicated it and the other person listened and met you there. It's new now and probably feels unfamiliar but soon it will feel familiar. I used to cry everytime my current partner was nice to me, I've stopped crying now and let the good feelings in and see it as something that I deserve.

apalledandshocked · 09/02/2021 15:58

It is actually a good test for a newish partner. Now, I dont think the fact he stopped and asked if you were alright and was kind/concerned makes him an amazing person. I think showing concern to someone in that situation and not sulking is the absolute bare minimum. But I definately wouldnt feel bad about it.

Fightingback16 · 09/02/2021 19:20

Ah so had my hearing and he comes over with flowers....Blush

OP posts:
GreenLeafTurnip · 09/02/2021 19:30

He sounds like a keeper OP! I hope it went well for you.

Fightingback16 · 09/02/2021 19:46

Yes it did go well, well for dd. So well that when the judge turned to me (on ms teams lol) and said if I was you I Would have been terrified then turned to my ex and gave him a very stern talking to. Told him either he did everything by the book from now on or he will get nowhere then said next hearing 15th June. So he still hasn’t been given any contact and I get a break for a few months before section 7 and the completion of anger management and a domestic abuse course.

OP posts:
MaLarkinn · 09/02/2021 21:06

Sounds like you're not quite ready for a relationship yet.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 09/02/2021 21:22

That's really good OP, I'm so glad it went well.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page