What to do about a friend

[honeysuckle21]

I have a friend and we have both been through a break up at the same time, so been offering each other support daily, this has been going on since just after Christmas, I'm a person that doesn't need too many friends, I'm introverted so daily contact with friends especially the same one doesn't bother me, quite happy more for every few days/weekly.

This friend, obviously very heart broken, bombards me with messages all through the day/evening and at least two calls per day, I don't always pick up! If I do she'll talk for an hour, Basically moaning about all that he's done to her etc
She cannot get over it, whilst at first the support was great, I just want to get over my failed relationship, it's just reminding me of everything, I don't want to keep talking about the break up, she doesn't talk about anything else.

She's inviting herself over in a few days asking me to cook for her, although she's a fussy eater and doesn't like any of my suggestions! and watch girly films, I don't really want to be stuck with her.

I don't want to be rude but she's too full on for me, I even thought about blocking her but I know that is really unkind, what is the best way to handle this?

@honeysuckle21

I would tell her you are busy with work project and can’t answer all the time and it’s stressing you.

Also you could have to self isolate? Due to app Covid warning?

With the covid rules she shouldn't be coming around to your house anyway if your in the uk so there is that card to use

Time to be honest. Tell her you need to cancel the girlie night as you’re really struggling to move on with you both talking about relationships a lot.

And you are finding this upsetting as you want to start putting things behind you

They can visit each other if they've formed a support bubble as I have with my friend. We've been cooking once or twice a week for each other and watching films together. But I would absolutely not respond to daily phone calls and endless messages. I would ignore the phone calls and only respond as much as I wanted to the messages and I would kindly and clearly have explained from.the outset that I like and need my own company a lot of the time and dislike phone conversations.

I would also stop responding on the relationship stuff after explaining that I want to move on now. Do you have other things in common you can draw on?

She's inviting herself over in a few days asking me to cook for her, although she's a fussy eater and doesn't like any of my suggestions! and watch girly films, I don't really want to be stuck with her.

Very cheeky of her to invite herself and getting you to cook for her. If you have already agree, tell her you have changed your mind, why should her needs be more important that yours?

“Sorry, I’ve got a lot on at the moment - let’s catch up in a few weeks, I’ll drop you a text. Stay safe x”

Then block, delete, create new social media accounts with a name changed by deed pole, sell your house, buy a new house, change the phone number & locks, change your mobile number, don’t open your curtains, tint your car windows, new job, new parents and new children

Drift away...can you be "really really busy" with some kind of work family issue for a few weeks? Breaks the cycle of her wanting to talk every day

@SarahBennettAdvice 😂 yeah that's what I feel like doing. She is a fairly new friend and unlike anyone I've ever known, starting to think she quite unhinged, it's just not normal to constantly message and call the same person throughout the day.
Thanks for all suggestions, I think I'll take longer to get back to her in future but she already says 'I'm so busy all time' when I don't answer her calls.

I would be phasing her out. A friendship is supposed to add joy to your life. She is just making you miserable. Some friendships simply don't work out, and that's ok.

Just dont respond to her at all for a day.
Then tell her the next day that you're super busy, are not with your phone all day and won't be available to cook and watch a movie due to a relative staying over for whatever reason (another reason why you didn't answer phone). Then respond less and less until she grows bored.
If she really is unhinged, the no messaging for a day will let you see that.

@TheChip that's what I'm worried about, even leaving it a few hours during the day, I'll look at my phone and there can be up to 10 messages before I've even had the chance to respond, I'm scared to leave it a day.

Have you tried telling her that you're an introvert and not one for lots of conversation?

Just say that while you enjoy the conversations, you sometimes get overwhelmed and need to step back. If you can and want to that is.

When I did this, they said they understood but it didn't change anything.
It was part of the reason our friendship ended and I dont miss them in the slightest. Its refreshing picking up my phone to see no messages haha.

I have hinted that I don't need a lot of friends and quite happy in my own company, she is a lot younger then me so I'm wondering if I'm being harsh and this is just what the younger generation do.

Sounds as if she is lacking in self-awareness.
I would maybe say something along the lines of you don't feel in the right headspace to give your friendship the attention it warrants, and ask if she has other people she can talk to. I wouldn't just block her though, as that's cruel.