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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

His family over sharing past details

2 replies

mummyblendof5 · 08/02/2021 14:38

Hi everyone
Just after a bit of advice regarding my partners family. We get on great, socialise out of covid and all is fine in that respect. I have a civil relationship with his ex and we have a nice drama free blended family. After the family having a not so good relationship between eachother I know it means a lot
To dp that me and his family get on great.

It wasn't until more recently Iv noticed but certainly been other odd things in the past too, that they feel the need to discuss past details of the relationship very rarely good but all the bad details eg the wedding how much of a shit show it was how lazy she was and other things that went wrong between them. A little bit number one son type of thing from his mum but off all family members
Also. He does not pretend to be perfect or feel hard done by it just didn't work out.

Iv always been honest and said my confidence isn't low enough that I need to hear they didn't like her, I'm me in my own light and can't be compared etc. But I can't help but feel every family gathering she or they are mentioned and it's tiring and getting me down a bit. Also it's when my dp isn't there so they must know they shouldn't be talking about it. Took it with pinch of salt at
First but know I dread what I have to listen too even if a small detail.

Partner thinks I should ask them to stop talking about it as it's getting me down, or he will speak to them all. He can't really speak up as they do it when he isn't there so he can't stop
Them mid flow it would have to be we've had words about it and he's decided to say. So Iv stopped mentioning it to him, I hate drama and my polite ways of saying I don't need to hear it aren't getting through.

Do you think I should just accept il hear about this forever or when we get married it will
Stop in time? Or actually say you are being out of order to them. I shouldn't have to hear about their wedding day or even things about her family unless Dp or me found relevance.

Any tips greatly appreciated to keep things pleasant but not feel mugged off any longer or if I'm being silly

Tia xxx

OP posts:
AgentJohnson · 08/02/2021 18:26

Next time they start, interrupt them and tell then that if they need to talk through past events, you are not the person to discuss these things with. Then change the subject. Be consistent and do it every time, if they don’t stop, then don’t see them without your bf.

mummyblendof5 · 08/02/2021 19:57

Thanks for reply that's what I'm thinking. If I politely say something each time message has got to drop. Can't see why they would do it purposely to hurt me. Think they just think I'm not bothered or nothing better to do x

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