Is this normal

[Overwhelmed245]

I’ve been with my partner 8 nearly 9 months we had both been single for a while. When we met I had this instant attraction and connection nothing I’ve ever felt before. He’s honestly the loveliest guy I’ve ever met he would do anything for me I also find him incredibly attractive and our sex like is very good. We’ve spoken about our future and we both want the same things. But I feel like I’m at the stage of worrying is he the one I came out of a bad 5 year relationship and I thought he was the one but he turned out to be horrible and abusive I guess I’m just worried it’s going to happen again even though he’s completely the opposite of my ex. I don’t want to constantly be thinking something bad is going to happen. I’m due to go to therapy soon so that will help. One minute I’m thinking of the future we have the next in thinking it’s all to good to be true I can’t deserve this no one is that lucky

Your instincts are kicking in because it’s still early days

Go to therapy as you will still be processing the previous abusive relationship. Take it really slowly with the new partner. 8 to 9 months is nothing. Dont move in together or talk about marriage. Just date for at least another year until your therapy has kicked in and you can unravel what happened to you in your past relationship. Sadly, people who come out of one abusive relationship who haven't healed are sometimes likely to go into another one. Just keep your wits about you for now, your boundaries high and your worth high. Good luck with the therapy.

Thank you for the advice definitely waiting for therapy my family have be met him and was in a controling relationship prior to mine and he went to therapy himself. So he’s told me therapy would massively help me. He’s so lovely about my past I know it’s early it’s also extremely tricky as I have a medical condition which means the longer I leave having kids the more likely I’m not going to be able to have them.

Try and put the anxiety about children to one side. I have seen several friends make huge mistakes by having children with very wrong men due to their desperation for children. I am not putting your new man in this category though. Your mental health and your relationship health must come first. Please be wary of this so you wont get swept up in the blushes of new romance when you have a lot to learn and heal from.

Abusive people will usual display signs of that trait early on in a relationship, even though you may not recognise the red flags. If you look back on the early days with your abusive ex, you may now be able to see them. It's rare (though possible...) for someone to change, so if your new man seems like a genuinely nice guy, he probably is!

If there are specific behaviours that you find worrying, then do act on those concerns. How do you think your family, or others who care about you, see your new relationship?

Any tips on looking for a therapist