Anybody up?

[AnybodyElse]

My long term relationship is imploding. I am non-contact with my family and I don't really have any close friends. Could do with some company.

Thank you for talking to me. Fairly drunk and with no filter at this point. And totally identifiable if he chooses to look at this topic.

I don't really have an active hobby at the moment. I just watch television and mess about on the internet. There is some gardening to do but I've lost motivation. The hobby his son contacted me about is wine making. I've not done much of that myself for a while because I'm not able to drink it.

I used to do a lot of exercise. I didn't enjoy it much but it took up my time. Now, last 2 years, I'm always quite tired. Knackered thyroid. He bought a bicycle recently and wanted a cycle helmet for Christmas. I thought we could have encouraged each other to exercise (he wasn't interested before) but he didn't want to. I do wonder if he's trying to get fit for someone else. I trust he hasn't acted on any impulses, if so, because if he wanted to do that he could just easily jettison me and there would be no practical impact on his life. Still, something has changed recently.

I didn't want to stop sex. But after the sulking over a very minor issue, and him making me feel odd for not liking certain sexual acts (which women usually like), things just got more and more awkward. He wants me to initiate even though I'm the one feeling awkward.

I have enjoyed speaking with you. Made my 300th night in a row watching Netflix much more tolerable having a bit of company.

I doubt he'd be on Mumsnet but just in case... Mr Ex-AnybodyElse, if you are reading this please go away, we don't like you!

If you enjoy wine making then it's still worth doing even if you can't drink it. I assume it's quite low-cost? A bottle of homemade wine would make a lovely, thoughtful birthday or Christmas gift. Also a great way to increase your social circle, taking a bottle of lovely homemade wine round to your neighbours, whenever that becomes possible, would be much appreciated I'm sure and get you on chatting terms.

Have you had your thyroid looked at? I've read that it is very manageable with the correct treatment.

It's so tempting to try to understand the real reason he's done this, especially since the switch was so sudden, but he's not the person you knew so there is just no way you could figure out exactly what happened, and anyway it makes no difference to you now. Don't torture yourself about it, people are strange.

I bet whatever 'certain sexual acts' you're referring to are disliked by plenty of women. We all have our preferences and things we aren't comfortable with, that is normal and the only acceptable response to you letting him know would be "no problem, thank you for telling me".

Thank you. It's been nice to talk to someone. I have literally nobody except a couple of people I very, very rarely talk to over email.

I really don't have anyone to give wine to, much as I would like to show off. I have been trying to write some more helpful instructions to the son rather than the babble I wrote earlier.

The thyroid, I am on pills for but I don't feel the way I did before it went wrong.

I know the person I loved isn't there anymore but I don't know how to get past the loss of the person I thought he was. He would have been the person I would have talked to about problems, except now he isn''t and he is the problem.

You're right that he should have said "no problem, thank you for telling me". That's all that was needed. That's all that was ever needed.

Thanks to everyone who has been kind. If I go quiet it's because I've managed to drift to sleep.

I can't imagine the shock. His comment about your depression was so cruel and unnecessary, he owes you far more respect than that after 8 years. You have seen a horrible side to him now which, while painful, will hopefully soon make it easier to see this as an escape rather than a loss. You'll probably realise many more shitty things that he did as you become more detached from the situation.

There are plenty of men out there who want to know our likes and dislikes so that we actually... enjoy having sex with them? They accept unquestioningly when we don't fancy it. They respect us. Don't accept less than that, it is truly the bare minimum of human decency.

Well done for getting through the first evening. Each one gets easier

@yvanka

It's so tempting to try to understand the real reason he's done this, especially since the switch was so sudden, but he's not the person you knew so there is just no way you could figure out exactly what happened, and anyway it makes no difference to you now. Don't torture yourself about it, people are strange.

Exactly this. You could spend months trying to figure this out and still get nowhere. Try not to waste your energy thinking about what he is doing. Put that thought and energy into yourself.

There was a thread a while back about men who suddenly start wanting more sexually...for whom their usual sex life becomes ‘not enough’ and their partner is left feeling as though it is their fault and their responsibility.

Whatever his ‘dissatisfaction’ it is not your fault and not your responsibility. Of course counselling may help but not if what he does is to wallow in his own dissatisfaction or withdraw from you as some kind of punishment.

Do only what you are comfortable with. Be yourself. Your self-esteem sounds as though it is being chipped away by someone who may turn out to be quite cruel. You aren’t alone. There are plenty of people on here who have been through a similar experience. Please don’t blame yourself. Relationships are tricky especially at the moment and it takes two to make it work.

Good 'morning' OP! how are you today?

Hello. I feel pretty bad, but thank you for checking in and thank you ti everyone who wrote to me last night. I'm currently just trying to stay unconscious until later when I have to work.

Partner texted. I don't know why he bothered when he doesn't think things can be fixed. Counselling was already arranged for tomorrow night. In my head it's already over, but I will go.

I hope you are ok OP and the counselling went as well as can be expected. I’m sorry you are going through this.