Escaping to my alcohol-dependent parent's house... crazy idea?.

[Escapeee]

I'm in a failing marriage and I'm getting my ducks in a row.
We have DCs and all responsibilities fall on my shoulders as DH is clueless. I'm exhausted by it all and regularly feel like I just need a break. I have no family around, other than my father, who lives 8 miles away and he's useless. He's alcohol dependent and was a nightmare to live with as a child. I left home young and have felt the weight of responsibility ever since.

He has however mellowed a lot and drinks much less than he used to. He has a stable job and is out working most evenings. His house is a state, but my old bedroom is pretty much as I left it. It just doesn't have a bed or any seating in there at the moment and needs a clean which wouldn't take long.

After an argument with DH today and me getting emotional, I found myself sat in my old bedroom and found some comfort there. Despite being unhappy there as a kid. Dad offered me a cup of tea and I felt some of the weight of responsibility lift a little.

I am considering making my old room a place for me to escape to when life feels too much. I could make it quite comfortable for very little cost. But there's always the negative memories there too and my Mum isn't there anymore who was always a great comfort to me when she lived there.

I feel smothered at home, stifled, not myself at all. I miss me.

If I do go there now and then I'd have the place to myself in the evening if I wanted to go there for a couple of hours and be in my own space, in my old room. Also, I almost feel like I need to go back to where I was before to work out where I'm going again. But also, a bit dubious as to whether this is really the place I need to be?
What do you think?

This is unfair to ask really but what about your children? You say you do everything, do you trust him to step up if your gone for hours on end / overnight?

If you're Dad's happy to have you then I don't see anything wrong with it but if you're on the UK where does that leave you and him / your DP and kids with bubbling? Do the DC see their grandad at all?

Nothing wrong with it if it gives you a bit of head space.

Give him some time to look after his children.

It sounds hard OP.

DH isn't proactive in much of the planning or organisation of family life but he is a loving father who can be trusted to take care of them in the evenings so I can get some headspace.

I feel like I have 3 children a lot of the time, nobody takes care of me. I had to grow up so quickly too. Not sure I'll find the care I'm looking for at my Dad's house, but I may find a bit of space to think.

In terms of bubbling, my Dad won't be therr when I am. He sees DCs but not very often. During lockdown not at all.

If it made you feel better and you were able to think, then why not have it as a bolthole?

But I'm not sure about making it more comfortable for yourself - that sounds like a distraction and time/money investment that would be far better spent on longterm solutions, rather than temporary measures that can only briefly alleviate the issues.

Then I'd do it.
You aren't going to get to find care from another there, although i suppose your Dad letting you don't and go is a type of care, but it night give you the space you need.

I would be quite strict with yourself about how often you go, I can see it being increasingly attractive to escape increasingly often

Also, when I was in labour, I had to stop using the gas&air as I was using it to ride out the contractions.

You need not to do the same by avoiding short term pain but ending up dragging the process out because it doesn't seem as urgent, if you see what I mean.