Rosie Green and Alpha Male (one for Red magazine readers)

[MercyBooth]

Ive been reading Red since 2008 and remember Rosies column well. Her regular column ended a while ago. I remember her saying that she and AM had split and saying he didnt leave a forwarding address. I was WTF at that (they have kids together) so thought that was a bit.....off. And that he wanted to leave but wanted her to go through the pretence of a family Christmas for the kids and HIS parents. I also remember her writing in her column in a Christmas issue years ago that he would give eco excuses for his frugality.

Then this weekend i read this.

www.dailymail.co.uk/home/you/article-9201407/I-prepared-sacrifice-save-marriage.html

She also has a book out. How To Heal a Broken Heart.

Blast from the past - I used to enjoy her articles. Haven’t bought Red for ages though.

Her kids are grown now I guess - hopefully she told them about this article before it was published.

@yetmorecrap

One thing she mentions and I know from experience (of feeling like her husband) is that if someone becomes mega clingy or needy it really really doesn’t help you feel anything more - just guilty or annoyed

And one thing I know from experience - which her story validates - is that such behaviour isn’t a rational choice, as you present it. It’s part of the madness incurred by learning the person you thought was closest to you has actually become an emotionally abusive and deceitful cowbag.

People don't just get over the ending of a long marriage. 2 years is nothing if you've invested 20+ years, grown up with, had children with, trusted your husband. I don't see writing about this as 'milking' it - she's writing about what she knows, which lifestyle writers tend to do.

I remember her and I remember some of her more recent articles about unexpectedly starting again after her husband left but not in this much detail. It's horrible to read. I think a lot of people have felt that desperation to win back someone's love before and there's an element of shame attached to it - it was brave of her to open up like that.

Her husband sounds like an absolute arse. I hope he's haunted by his cruelty down the line. Unfortunately, I think it's quite common for the guilty party to behave as though they are wronged to justify their actions to themselves. Hallmark of a real coward.

@MercyBooth

Thank you so much!

Maybe she was hard to live with and controlling like he alluded to. Doesn’t justify the affair but who knows what the real story is. Only one side to it here.

@dREt

Maybe she was hard to live with and controlling like he alluded to. Doesn’t justify the affair but who knows what the real story is. Only one side to it here.

With all due respect, this is missing the point. What many people don’t understand is that the really damaging part of an affair isn’t the fact you’ve been left for someone else. It’s the fact someone who you likely trusted more than anyone else in the world, who had been there through incredibly intimate moments like giving birth, who has sworn had got your back - and is still swearing they’ve got your back - is actually working against you. Is lying to you. Their the exact opposite of all that.

And you can minimise it all you like by saying “oh, but we’re all only human” and “it’s hard” and “we shouldn’t judge” but at the end of the day, betrayal is betrayal and deceit is deceit. Nothing should ever justify that behaviour, no matter how “hard” the cheater may find it to be honest.

One thing she mentions and I know from experience (of feeling like her husband) is that if someone becomes mega clingy or needy it really really doesn’t help you feel anything more - just guilty or annoyed

@yetmorecrap Her husband didn't give a shit, he was having an affair(s) and had already mentally left the building.

She wasn't doing anything wrong- there wasn't anything she could do right. He resented her existence.

It's funny how men say a woman is controlling/toxic/whatever and so they have to cheat leave because they can't live in that environment. But they rarely try to take the kids with them. So the woman is too awful for him to live with but not too awful for the DC!

Desperation affects you physically. I had heart palpitations, headaches, shaking. My hair came out in clumps and I lost weight, dramatically. The medics call it trauma-accelerated weight loss. One morning, a few months in, I decided to get on the scales. The old me would only ever have done this in the morning, having not eaten anything for 12 hours and having been to the bathroom first. I looked down at the dial: 8st 2lb. This is 26lb below my usual weight of 10st.

This was me when I went through the same thing. Good on her for writing about it.

@MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously

It's funny how men say a woman is controlling/toxic/whatever and so they have to cheat leave because they can't live in that environment. But they rarely try to take the kids with them. So the woman is too awful for him to live with but not too awful for the DC!

I think its a cheater thing in general. My ex began to accuse me of being controlling just because I wanted her to stop seeing her affair partner when I wasn't around! This, despite her actually suggesting this herself in order to save our marriage. She said the fact I couldn't trust her and him to just "be friends" meant I was controlling.

In the end, I had no choice. I had to trust her. Guess what? They cheated.