I've had abusive relationships in the past and been around people who were cut from similar cloth in other capacities. And I've just been thinking about how 'tenderness' was always lacking. Even in the beginning,from these relationships.
And it got me wondering, if abusers are capable of faking tenderness? I know that they fake all manner of affection and things to varying levels of success. But it strikes me that looking back these things often felt rushed or over-bravadoed or like storybook gestures. That they could compliment and caress...but that acts of gentleness and little acts of thoughtfulness seemed beyond them.
It's a complicated thing to ask I guess because tenderness is a difficult thing to pigeon hole and maybe means different things to different people.
But I'm just curious if you have experience of these sorts, do you feel they were ever tender with you? Not in a over the top, sickenly cutesy fake way. But just... 'nice' I suppose.
Maybe it's a silly question because I'm sure they can. But I was just thinking back and realised its been lacking in all and every sort of relationship with those sort. Would be a handy 'tell' if it were that simple I guess...