Sad and weary

[BeetyAxe]

Been married 10+ years. 2 older kids who don’t wake in the night etc anymore. Never had a great sex life the whole time we have been married. He is kind, and good dad, and would do anything I ask. But we have had open and honest conversations time and time again and I have said I will leave if our sex life doesn’t improve. He has no explanation as to why he doesn’t want it. I think he’s just lazy to be honest. I have read every thread about sexless marriages and it’s so easy to think you should leave when it’s not your life. But he is kind and we have fun together and our kids are so secure.
I also feel like I am pushing our whole lives on myself, constantly being the one to push for the kids to learn how to ride bikes, to have exercise, to learn different life skills, but I just feel like it’s me doing this on my own. I am so tired of it all. I have thought about leaving lots of times, but realistically it’s not the worst relationship in the world, things could definitely be worse if I left him. Sorry just wanted to let this stream of consciousness out.

You say you have fun together. That's worth something.
Ask him to organise something and see if it helps lift the burden a bit.

Thanks @Livandme. Sorry I hadn’t replied, I didn’t realise anyone had responded. Spoke to him (again!) and he is going to set up marriage counselling. Urgh everything is so flipping hard.

Counselling? Right. That'll get him shagging. Not. So, are you going to take a lover, or move on?

Nothing is going to convince him to shag you if he doesn’t want to. I’ve been there, it’s just soul destroying and humiliating. He knows what you want and, for whatever reason, he’s not prepared to give it to you to save your marriage.

Would you consider an open relationship? Would he? I left my Dh at 35 and am now in a wonderful relationship despite telling myself I was going to stay single. I’d forgotten how it feels to be wanted and to have my wants and needs taken into consideration.

Do you feel rejected or lonely? It doesn't sound like the worse relationship but you sound to be carrying a burden.
But let me say, if you separate you will be doing everything and you may have to think for him so you will have an extra child in the form of him. (this is me BTW!)

If you separate you’ll have weekends to yourself to build back your life. You can start dating and have fun and get some sex. It’s soul destroying to not feel sexy or wanted

Sorry I don’t understand why mumsnet doesn’t email you when people reply on your thread! Thank you everyone, I know you’re right and I just need to work up the courage to end it. It is soul destroying and humiliating to not be wanted and not to have sex.

@KevinTheBird no way would he consider an open relationship, and I doubt it would work for me anyway, don’t think I can separate sex from affection.

@Livandme I don’t feel lonely no, we really enjoy each other’s company and I also have a very busy life in other areas. I just want to have the full package, if we had sex along with everything else we have that’s good I would be overjoyed.