I've been reflecting a lot during lockdown about some of MILs most recent troubling behaviours. I think she may be trying to conquer and divide DH and myself.
On the birth of DC1 she was extremely "full on" and critical and undermining. This led to me having PND and caused a great rift between DH and I which almost saw the end of our marriage. I NC'd for a year and slowly increased contact with her whilst she saw DC once a week with DH.
8 Years on, we have more DCs and she's still a meddling busy body with too much to say, but up until very recently, it's been like water off a duck's back. The novelty of having GCs has worn off considerably too!
However, lately I've had that sinking feeling in her company again and noticed little put downs that she has towards myself and even my own mother when nobody else is listening. An example was when DCs teacher commented that he had really progressed in his reading since lockdown 1 (I am a teacher so the 1:1 helped immensely) and she said "well, I'd say that's more down to his motivation than your homeschooling."
She also told me that she finds my mother's gifts to the children "over the top." My DM only sees us 4 times a year as she lives overseas. Activities I do with the DCs, she finds criticism and condescends my every opinion to do with their likes, dislikes and behaviours. I've even tested saying the opposite of what I really think just to see if she'll still disagree with me and she usually does!
She's a jealous, insecure woman.
I have spoken to DH today about my feelings around her after reflecting and I've told him I want to keep my distance from her even when lockdown eases. I'm not feeling at my most confident right now and find she's getting under my skin more than usual. He has been surprised by this, telling me that MIL is full of praise towards me when speaking to DH. This has really shocked me. She has to be playing a game here.
I'm now thinking that this is quite devious, making out to DH that she likes me, when at times when it's just me and her, she's highly critical and judgemental.
8 years ago, when all this started and I first spoke to him about his mother's odd behaviour, he told me that I fall out with people more than MIL does so it had to be my issue. Hence why we almost divorced. He thought that I was the one being difficult, following a fall-out with my brother.
8 years on, I've heard or seen MIL fall out with her sister, her own MIL, neighbours, waitresses, shop assistants, her husband daily.
And yet, when I broach MILs behaviours to DH or even other family members, their immediate response is to defend her. Excuses usually centre around
"she doesn't think"
"She didn't mean it like that."
"She can't help it."
"She's going senile"
"She just says whatever she's thinking without thinking."
I know that should I actually stand up to her the next time she does this by simply asking her to explain one of her underhanded, sarcastic remarks, I'm going to be the bad guy.
Is lockdown messing with my head or am I right to be annoyed by her behaviour?