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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Saying no to a second date

25 replies

Annabellerina · 07/02/2021 21:16

Had a pleasant first date today but zero attraction or desire to meet again from my side. He's asked to meet up again. How do I word a nice rejection? I'm generally not very good at saying no and I'd like to learn how to do it nicely!

OP posts:
cameocat · 07/02/2021 21:21

Thank you, I had a lovely time and I wish you well but I don't think a second meet up is on the cards for me.

pocketwarm · 07/02/2021 21:30

I enjoyed our date but didn’t feel enough of a connection to want to meet up again. Best wishes.

Thebusiness · 07/02/2021 21:31

It was lovely to meet you but I don’t want to take it any further thanks.

honeysuckle21 · 07/02/2021 21:35

It was nice to meet you but I don't have any romantic feelings, best wishes.

Wanderlusto · 07/02/2021 21:35

I vote for what pocketwarm said.

Original poster
Annabellerina · 07/02/2021 21:36

I think I'm going with cameocat's. Why do I feel guilty?!

OP posts:
cameocat · 07/02/2021 21:37

Do not feel guilty. He isn't for you that doesn't mean he isn't perfect for someone else.

Candleabra · 07/02/2021 21:38

All/any of the above. And no need to feel guilty either.

cameocat · 07/02/2021 21:38

Also very honoured you said you might choose mine!

Unicornamy · 07/02/2021 21:38

I’d go for @cameocat response. I’ve actually pasted it in my notes for future use! Grin

Candleabra · 07/02/2021 21:40

Re: the guilt: maybe because women are conditioned to put other people before themselves. So you're thinking of his feelings (of rejection) before your own. Work on not doing this! It's fine you don't want to continue.

A8IGAIL · 07/02/2021 21:41

@Annabellerina

I think I'm going with cameocat's. Why do I feel guilty?!
You feel guilty because you live in a society where women are groomed to never say no to a man. And that we should be grateful that a man without two heads wants to spend time with us.

Therefore your feeling of guilt is based on factually correct information so just note it and then tell it to fuck off.

moirarosebabay · 07/02/2021 21:43

I feel guilty when i am being a people pleaser and that's something I'm trying to eradicate as it's put me in all sorts of situations where nobody was happy including marrying someone I didn't love.

pocketwarm · 07/02/2021 22:20

Echo the don’t feel guilty, you are being upfront and choosing not to ghost, which is what many would do. You don’t have to be ‘nice’ either, you may wish to aim for not being cruel but you definitely don’t have to be nice.

I would avoid anything that says ‘I think...’ it removes the firmness from your decision - you’re allowed to be firm!

OldWomanSaysThis · 07/02/2021 22:23

Once you send the rejection letter, block and delete, or ignore the response. It will range from "Ok thanks" to "No wonder you are single, you cow" to outright begging for a 2nd date. Just avoid it altogether. His response doesn't matter.

Masterpieceontheshelf · 07/02/2021 22:44

@OldWomanSaysThis

Once you send the rejection letter, block and delete, or ignore the response. It will range from "Ok thanks" to "No wonder you are single, you cow" to outright begging for a 2nd date. Just avoid it altogether. His response doesn't matter.
That to me is half the fun....wondering which nutty way they will take polite rejection. TBF I am now quite good friends with one guy who went a bit loopy when I said I'm not interested in a second date Grin
shouldreallynamechangemore · 07/02/2021 22:51

I always blame the chemistry. There's just no chemistry. I think it is a kind way to let someone down.

Original poster
Annabellerina · 07/02/2021 22:54

You are all right about the guilt, I'm working on not being a people pleaser and deconditioning myself from society's desire to make my needs second to a man's!
Anyway his response was very nice and I feel good about doing it and not ghosting.

OP posts:
SpringIsComingAlways · 07/02/2021 22:57

You sound a lovely person, considerate of others enough to want a nice way of saying not for me.
Ghosting is for cowards and pretty horrible too

FredaFox · 07/02/2021 23:00

I’m guilty of this, I don’t get many dates so when I’ve been on one and I don’t want to see them again I feel awkward as hell
Remember politely declining date 2 with a similar message to those on here and he was horrible to me!! Then he had the cheek to messsge me randomly a few months later, no mate you don’t deserve my energy in even replying

pocketwarm · 07/02/2021 23:05

The dating world would be a far better and healthier place if more people could acknowledge their discomfort in rejecting someone but rise above that feeling and choose a polite but firm way to do so rather than ghosting. Well done you for facing your discomfort head on and being direct and unambiguous.

xsquared · 07/02/2021 23:07

Well done op and I'm glad he took it graciously rather than trying to push you into a second date.

RAOK · 07/02/2021 23:08

It’s so much better to tell the truth at this stage. It was lovely to meet you and I wish you well. Take care x

Original poster
Annabellerina · 07/02/2021 23:43

The dating world would be a far better and healthier place if more people could acknowledge their discomfort in rejecting someone but rise above that feeling and choose a polite but firm way to do so rather than ghosting so so true!

OP posts:
RiojaRose · 08/02/2021 08:03

Yes, and also if people could hear a polite rejection from someone they barely know and not take it as some kind of slur or personal attack.

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