Confused about new guy

[Bex19999]

Hi

So I wrote a thread on this guy nearly a month ago now as I wasn’t sure if he was love bombing me or not.. fast forward a month later and we are still talking and I have started to like him.. we have arranged a socially distanced walk in the next few weeks.

However little things about him are really annoying me and I’m not sure if it’s me as I do have quite a low tolerance and am annoyed easily or what but I’m feeling quite over whelmed by him like it’s become a bit to much..

Examples ... we speak on the phone every night sometimes I call him sometimes he calls me .. he never wants to get off the phone even when the convo dies and I say I’m going he gets quite funny about it and repeatedly asks why.

He is funny and we do have banter but he sometimes makes sexual banter which I have never ever liked so early on in to getting to know someone and I find it off putting. He will make ‘jokes’ about cuddling and kissing when we meet and I don’t like it. It makes me feel quite pressured as we don’t know if we will like each other in person so why can’t he just wait and see before making them comments ??

He also has a very negative view on lockdown and Covid and is one of them ‘this will never end’ ppl but I am aware everyone has different opinions on this and tbh that’s not really a problem.

We both want the same things.. both early 30s no kids and want kids and want to settle down.. he’s a nice guy has a good job etc and I do like him BUT I am feeling over whelmed with the constant msgs and phone calls and the sexual banter.

I raised the sexual banter with him today and he’s clearly now in a mood and said I can’t take a joke ?!

I like this guy but he is putting me off a little bit before we have met

Has anyone has any similar experiences with online dating ?

You’re having misgivings and he’s creeping you out don’t minimise this,have a really good think
You’re incompatible and that’s why you’re unsettled. You don’t need to acquiesce to this
If you’re experiencing misgivings (and you are) I’d end it. It’s not making you happy

Sounds like a creeper x

I really could not be doing with that intensity and crude language esp as he knows you do not like it
He’s minimising and making out you’ve the one with the problem. You can’t take a joke

Dating sites and apps are full of people in their 30s who want to meet the right person, settle down and have kids. Just because you both fit that criteria doesn't mean you have to overlook the creepy behaviour especially as he is dismissing your boundaries /concerns already when any decent guy would be doing his best to make you feel comfortable

i don't really understand why you are ignoring your own misgivings and the red flags you're seeing.

He's pushing your boundaries and stropping and telling you it's your fault for not being able to take a joke, and you haven't even met the guy yet.

Stop ignoring your own gut feeling and pursuing something with someone who is already making you uncomfortable. If you're lonely, this guy is not the answer. Keep looking.

If you're unsure at this point, which sounds fair given what you've described, just walk away.

Don't cling on because he is 'perfect on paper' - you don't sound compatible so it's not going to work.

Plenty more fish...

Throw this fish back in the sea.

Oh come on OP, are you so desperate for a man that you’ll waste time on this prick? You and him just aren’t right, accept it and move on. Christ, why would you even consider continuing?

We both want the same things.. both early 30s no kids and want kids and want to settle down.. he’s a nice guy has a good job etc and I do like him BUT I am feeling over whelmed with the constant msgs and phone calls and the sexual banter

Ok, break this down a bit. Banter Using sexual language that includes words,description,phrases you dont like is not banter. It really isn’t. Banter is mutual good humoured ripostes that neither objects to. That’s key, you find his banter objectionable. Upon you telling him this,he went in a mood and said you can’t take a joke.

Nice Guy No. He makes you feel bad and creeped out. When you gave him an example of how he makes you uncomfortable he put it straight back as you’re humourless

Good job. Matters not a dot. He’s unpleasant and overbearing to you.

You need to stop trying to convince yourself this odious man is compatible with you

I would not meet him. You've got red flags now and you haven't even met. He seems possessive and insecure and gaslighting you, not listening to your feelings etc.

Completely agree with the others - he's making you uncomfortable and also not listening either. Why on earth do you want to meet him when he's creeping you out?

If the calls and texts are 'feeling too much' then you ate being lovebombed.

Him asking you 'why' you want to end a call is also controlling af tbh.

I suspect if you dont answer his calls, he will bombard you with 'why arent you answering?'.

OP he is too full on, shows indicators of being controlling and is quite frankly, creepy. Why on earth would you carry on with this?

If you want to test things, tell him you are busy sometimes. Eg"Im going to be busy the next few days so wont be able to talk on the phone". Or just dont pick up when he calls. See if he respects your space.

If he bulldozes your boundaries or throws huffs that you aren't giving him attention every time he asks for it, you will be able to see clearly that he is a love bomber and bad news.

Listen to everyone else, especially @category12
You can even see the many red flags yourself. He sounds vile. If he’s making you uncomfortable before you have even met how would he be in a relationship?

I agree. I wouldn't put up with a day of sexual innuendo from a stranger, nevermind a month.
Out of interest, why haven't you met for a walk yet?

@DianaT1969 the sexual comments haven’t been going on for a month they have been as of recently.. we haven’t met for a walk yet as he had Covid two weeks ago.. I didn’t want to meet straight after the isolation period was over so we waited a bit

Thanks for everyone’s responses also

The sexual banter is a turn off (dated one of those before).

I think if you really like him these things wouldn’t bother you so I say kick him to the curb.

You haven't even met him and he's already putting you off! Seriously, there are SO MANY MEN out there, why waste time with this creep who already wants to control you??

Oh and if he asked me more than once why I was getting off the phone I'd be telling him "Because I need a really meaty shit, that okay with you?" Fucking nosey bollocks.

You haven’t even met yet and he’s already getting moody with you? Why are you investing anymore time in this guy?

Ltb

Trust your instincts

It's only been a month and your on mn writing paragraphs about issues you have with him.

OP this is lovebombing. There’s also a bit of gaslighting and controlling behaviour going on. It never ends well. You haven’t met this guy. Run as fast as your legs can carry you. Chat with others and rid yourself of this heartbreak and emotional distress waiting to happen.