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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Have you ever been so fooled?

27 replies

Dreamtym · 07/02/2021 01:47

We got married about 15 years ago. We have 3 kids. He is 'happy.' I stay married for the kids. But, recently I 'm rethinking everything! I can't believe I believed every explanation, every lie.
We were dating for a few weeks. One evening after meeting my now husband, I said goodbye and got on a bus to go home where I livedby myself. A minute into the journey I received a call from a private number. The caller said he had seen me get on the bus and named the route. I panicked and called my date. I got off at near the police station and met my date. We went back to his place. That night after calming down our relationship advanced drastically, in regards to intimacy.
A few days ago I finally realized it was most probably him who arranged that call! You are probably screaming, "Who else could it have possibly have been?" I was overwhelmed with fear, as I had been drugged and raped 8 years prior. Thought I found a hero....am I the one out here who has been so foolish?

OP posts:
Aminuts23 · 09/02/2021 19:27

Dreamtym

Aminuts23 you left? Wow! How did he react? Were there kids involved? What did you do to ensure your safety? Trying to figure out how and when we leave and where to go. I will have to resign to avoid him embarrassing the kids and myself. ...how did you do it?

@Dreamtym my situation was different as I didn’t have DC. By the time I left I’d realised all the times he’d lied, tried to trick me, was spying on me, everything. Every time I caught him out he lied and made up something ridiculous and I gave him the benefit of the doubt because the alternative was so awful and unbelievable.
I didn’t think he’d ever admit anything but he did admit a few things in the end.
I made a decision and stuck with it, I had to stay in the house a few weeks. It was hard, he made up more and more lies all the time. This included him being stalked by the man I was leaving him for (that didn’t exist).
I had to be very hard and legally threaten him with court orders unless he left me completely alone (I knew he wouldn’t compromise his job). It’s been 6 years and I still feel like he’s spying on me. I really do. If you want to PM me feel free

GeeBranzi · 07/03/2021 04:33

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