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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What is enough to leave relationship?

4 replies

oreo2020 · 07/02/2021 00:25

Been with my partner over 4 years. Left him a couple of times (his cheating) but forgiven and got back together to give him the last chance. We are meant to be planning living together and marriage at some point.

Instead, I have lost my feelings for him. Things he does starting to annoy me greatly. Like his smoking which I accepted in the past because I loved him, but the cigarette stink just puts me off completely nowadays.

Or he's got TV always, always on, all day. When he is at mine, he spends 90% watching TV. I hate it! I watch an occasional film or programme but I think he is lazy (though he is at my home so maybe not that much to do for him?) and this puts me off too.

Or, now he took to stay at mine almost always, because I live nearer his work than he does. He doesn't do anything wrong, but just feels on top of each other. He contributes when I ask, but it is not consistent and I don't like asking. How do I even ask him to go home?

He is good with my kids (more in chatting than anything else), helps out occasionally, very forgiving, affectionate and always lots of compliments. He's helped out in my hard moments and I appreciate him for that.

But it feels like my feelings are gone. Not sure if what I have left is enough to build life on. I used to want to live with him. Not anymore. Once feelings are gone, is that it...? I am in my mid 40s and don't really believe in fairytale anymore but even I am starting to think, this is not going to work.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 07/02/2021 00:29

This relationship is over, as it should be, and you know it. Why on earth have you stayed with a man who has proven himself to be totally untrustworthy? Get rid of him.

Wanderlusto · 07/02/2021 00:30

Well...you dont really need him for anything (you've got kids and cover your own bills ect...) and he doesnt really contribute much beyond stress and annoyace by the sounds of things so...not really sure theres any point to keeping him. At best. At worst he'll cheat on you again.

You don't owe him anything. You tried again, it isnt working for you anymore. Your prerogative to call it a day.

Italiangreyhound · 07/02/2021 00:41

You don't need any reason to leave or stop the relationship if the feelings are gone or you want it to end of whatever. You just tell him it's over. Explain why if you wish. Or not, as you wish. If you are scared he will overeat or react badly, have a friend with you when you tell him.

Good luck, Thanks

Anordinarymum · 07/02/2021 01:08

It's all got very cosy for him, a bit like you are his mother. If you want excitement, it won't be with him will it, not after all this time.

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