How to be happy with yourself?

[Hueandcry]

I'm currently single. Apart from lockdown meaning few opportunities to meet someone I've decided to work on myself before I even attempt dating again. I've always had low self esteem. What I want is to be able to say ' this is me ' & feel happy with that. I always find i feel I have to change myself to please others. How do I go about this?

Perhaps choose key attributes/values that appeal to you most. Almost like words that describe your mission statement in life - like for instance 'independent', ' kind' , 'integrity'. Gives you a grounding in who you are and what's important to you. For fun I do it to my sense of style, choosing five words that I want my clothes to say about me.

Following with interest. I am confident in my abilities at work, i can proudly say im good at my job. Im a good parent (not perfect by a long way but im happy i do the best i can).

But me? As in myself? Nah, not convinced. Always been the ugly fat duckling who is a bit boring.

I have a similar issue and been feeling like that for years although big part of it has been an unhappy marriage and husband constantly criticising everything I do and how I look.

Approaching final stages of the divorce now and really trying to feel better about myself. I'm by no means there yet but over the past few weeks have started to feel better.

Counselling has been helpful to deal with all this and I have also started to look after myself a bit more. Nothing huge, just some small things but which really do make a big difference in my opinion - got a few beauty products which I couldn't be asked with before such as face cleanser, creams, exfoliating products, foot cream. I make sure my nails and toenails are done and just shaving often and buying some new underwear has already made me feel better.

Before I used to think that I needed this huge change in everything to feel good, but now starting to think that small steps is the way forward and less overwhelming :)

Say yoga mantras to yourself - not the spiritual ones but the affirmation ones. They do actually help!

Think of it this way: You have one life and you have to live all of it with one person - yourself. You have a choice whether to befriend that person, be loving, supportive and kind to them, look after them, be always on their side and think well of them or not. It's a decision. It takes practise but it is a choice. The more you work on it, the easier it gets.

With self esteem, I honestly think faking it until you make it works. Just act as if you thought highly of yourself. Ask yourself, constantly, 'what would someone who rated themselves fairly do in this situation? What would the loving thing be to do? What would someone who practised self care do? Then do it. Whether or not you feel worthy, or it feels unnatural or spoiled. Just do it.

I spoke to a life coach the other day (it was free, she was nice) and she recommended writing yourself a love letter. She recommended hand writing it. Basically acknowledging your journey so far, and what you've been through, and despite all the good and bad, how amazing you are. All the obstacles you've overcome, and what your strengths and skills and amazing qualities are. It all sounds very american and a bit cheesy but I do believe there's a lot of value in that kind of exercise, because we spend so much time focussing on the bad rather than the good. And never really acknowledging our achievements and our positives. I haven't tried it yet but I will. Might be worth a try. She said the impact of it can spread far and wide through our life! Fingers crossed.

Brilliant idea mustbebetter . OP look up acceptance and commitment therapy too. Basically the serenity prayer with choosing values and direction for your life.

For me it was just spending lots of time in my own company, reading books, making my home my sanctuary, building my friendships, making goals and sticking to them, realising that life does not have to be filled with drama and it is a hell of a lot more enjoyable living peacefully and being content with my lot. It took me my whole life to get to this point. I used to always place my self worth on having a man or how many men were chasing me at one time. I've now been single for 5 years, and haven't had sex in 2. I am extremely happy and most importantly content, I have amazing friendships (just a few really close ones), one amazing daughter and I enjoy my own company more than I enjoy anyone else's company. I don't care if other people find me boring because I don't find me boring. I do not care about ever meeting anyone and I never thought I would ever get to this point but I genuinely don't. Unless they were fucking absolutely incredible I would never give up me for another person ever again. It wasn't a premeditated goal but somewhere along the way, by doing these things above, I found myself and began to love myself and it's the best feeling in the world.