Heartbroken

[supafish]

I'm in bits . During the 15 years I've been with dh I've been many weights . Currently fattest ever . He was going through an old phone looking at pics on our honeymoon - I'm about 6 stone lighter . I jokingly said but I'm still the same , you should love me whatever , he said nothing , just shook his head ! I feel revolting , I've always struggled with my weight , had a gastric band a few years ago and that went wrong and ended up nearly killing me . Am I too embarrassing to be seen with ? Am I that awful to look at ? What makes it worse is that he's tiny , no fat whatsoever and it never changes . I don't know what to do ? Do I bother my kids and upset their evening or do I continue researching gastric sleeves and just tell no one end get it done ! Whatever I do I feel worthless , fat , old and ugly . I'm 16 stone , 5.5 and 56 !! What's the point In anything ?

I can empathise here. I was very slim when I met my DH and when I look at our wedding photos on the wall (18 years ago in April!), I see how much weight I've gained. I've been a yo-yo dieter for most of my adult life, but I was in a slim phase when we met. I stupidly asked him if he would still fancy me if I was overweight. He said, 'I don't like big women.' I don't blame him, I did ask.

He's a really loving husband, but we haven't had any kind of sex life for a long time. Partly because of my past triggering me (I'm an SA survivor) and partly because we're both drained after years of looking after our two adopted DDs (11 and 8). I'm also suffering from long Covid now, which is making sleep really hard.

Sometimes I do find myself wondering whether he's still attracted to me. I don't ask, though, because he's really loving and wouldn't want to hurt me, but I know he isn't able to pretend

He's always noticed when I've cut my hair and he is still romantic sometimes (buys flowers), but he no longer even tries to get close to me.

I will do something about my weight, but it's kind of the least of our worries at the moment. Although my self-esteem is low and I know that it would do me a lot of good to do something about it.

So I get where you're coming from, OP. I agree with PPs that this is about you rather than your DH.

OP I think it is so good you want to do it for you.

I weighed myself Sunday and I will do it again Sunday and see how I am doing. Even 1 lb is a start!

www.everydayhealth.com/diet-nutrition/bmi/how-you-reduce-your-bmi-science-backed-steps/

Mittens so sorry to hear about all you have been through and the Long Covid. I really hope you will be well again soon. I know when other priorities take over it is so hard to look after ourselves.

I have a an adopted son but it is actually my very ill birth daughter who is harder work. So sometimes we do so much for our kids but must do something for ourselves. 💖

Forget what a poster said about you need a sleeve or a bypass. That’s not true. You absolutely can do something about it. I did. I’ve lost 20kg. It’s about all of it. Not just what you eat. Do you do any exercise? It’s hard but that’s where you start. Covid makes it easier because you don’t have to sign up for a gym. You can do online zoom classes. Find something you enjoy doing and do it every day. Zumba? Yoga? Get a spin bike? It’s not all about push ups and sit ups. Get your body moving every day and cut out bread and sugar. Keep a food diary for a week. If you have a sandwich for lunch, swap the bread for a weight watchers wrap. It’s about training your brain. Instead of reaching for chocolate, reach for a handful of raisins. What would a normal food day look like for you? I bet you can make a lot of easy swaps that are sustainable.

Chiccie brilliant advice and we'll done on your amazing weight loss.