Fed up

[frozenprincess88]

I think I have finally reached the point of just being fed up in my marriage. I know that sounds awful, there - there is no cheating going on, I generally just think we have outgrown each other and I've just reached breaking point.

For background, been together 15 years, both mid 30's now. 1dd(5) and 25 weeks with no. 2. Own our house. Both have good, but stressful jobs. I work in an office role, dh works a much more manual role and does shifts (lots of nights)

Lockdown has been a testing time as we have both always been really independent and spent a lot of time apart due to work etc. Although dh has carried on going to work (unable to wfh) I have wfh since last March and also picked up the bulk of the home schooling.

I am constantly told I am not good enough. What I do is not good enough. The last 2 weeks dh has been on nights, so has stayed in bed from when he finishes work at 6am, gets up for lunch, then back to bed until 9pm when he goes to work. I have run the house, worked Full time, home schooled etc. Instead of being asked if there's anything I need help with, I get moaned at because I haven't washed a particular item of clothing. But I can't use the washing machine when dh is trying to sleep as it wakes him up.

I'm told I don't make enough of an effort and don't look attractive enough and that the tops I wear make me look 50! I'm clean and shower each day but barely get 5 minutes to myself to do anything else.

I have lost 3 stone over the last year (some is now going back on due to pregnancy obviously) but I have not once been given a compliment on how well I have done. Just you still wobble and still look fat!

Today tipped me over the edge. We have barely seen each other all week so I wanted a take away. Asked dh what he wanted. He said up to me. I asked again if he had any preference and he erupted saying he was fed up of being asked and always having to decide (I chose Chinese last week) he's now asleep on the sofa while I'm exhausted and entertaining dd

Don't know what I am wanting here, just needed a rant I think!

Bloody hell ! You're doing an amazing job. He never tells you this? I'm doing a fraction of what you do, and my OH tells me every day how much he appreciates me. I do the same for him, because we're a team.
Tell him if nothing you do is good enough, he can ship on out. Seriously. I'm all for working at relationships, but this is ridiculous.

And you don't look attractive enough? What's that got to do with anything??!! Who is he ? Brad Pitt ?

He says I don't make an effort anymore. Which is probably true but I never really have. I'm not into the latest fashion or make up. When I go into the office (pre covid) I always looked smart and presentable but make up would consist of some mascara and eye shadow.

He has mentioned before how I am picking up the bulk of home school but almost in a you get to do everything way.

Work are understanding, but any thing I don't get done during the day I usually have to log on later to finish off. I have no problem with this, but Dh then moans as this is time I should be spending with him apparently. I am literally at breaking point, and all I get from him is the usual yoi can only do what you can do line!

You need to sit him down. Tell him it’s difficult to home school it’s not something you get to do. Ask him when you are meant to put on and readjust this make up, if you have to get up earlier to do so then what time is he giving you back as a break to rest later. Also ask what’s going to happen when number 2 arrives and you have even less time to do anything, is he still going to moan about things not being washed or will be just wash them or at least specify enough in advance when they need washed. I’d be putting the machine on while he’s sleeping by the way, if he wakes up you say it was the only time you had to be able to get the things washed he needed. Set him straight for goodness sake.

Currently going through similar. Two kids. Not married. Been trapped home due to covid for ten months. In that time I've had Alot of time to think about me as a person..what I want. What I get. How I feel.

We are in a sexless relationship. With nothing really to talk about. No connection. We are both grumpy alot and just raise our kids. We don't seem to have our lives in order. There's no structure. Everything feels chaotic and irritating. I used to love weekends. Friday nights. We'd have takeaway or watch a film. We stopped putting effort in with eachother partly due to not having anyone to help with the kids. So no date nights. No afternoons to pop out for some food. It's caught up on us. Then sex started going downhill because there's been a child awake for six years now at some point. .
I don't look at him sexually anymore. It's like the thought of snogging him or us having sex makes me feel extremely uncomfortable. I just can't picture it. I feel almost turned off at the thought.

Over the last few months we've had talks. I want to be friends. He's decided he will wait for me to change my mind. He hopes it's not over. It's an absolute nightmare as I have met someone very recently. We've done nothing but I really want to. I feel like i am a mother. But I so want someone and something for me.

People say put your children first. Save your marriage. Make it work. But sometimes it's just not that simple. You can't force things to work. Sign up for years of forced trying to make it work for the kids.

I really feel your pain. I understand where you are at. It's so difficult when you have financial things but most importantly your kids. Only you know what you truly want going forward. We only live once and that's the battle I'm currently in. When is it ok to put yourself first and not feel you are failing the family!?

He seems to indulge himself in sleeping or hiding away pretending to be asleep.

How much leisure time does he get, how much do you get?

TBH he sounds horrid