Just want to be alone

[Lullaby88]

I crave to be alone, i dont know if this is strange? I want my kids with me ofcourse though and thats it.
I have a husband and I just feel I am not his priority, he puts a lot of things before me and i feel like an asset to him. I am currently expecting so please guys i cant hear the words that i must leave. I know mentally I cannot handle that right now or to do that.
Its not just that. Its everyone. I feel life is simpler when im not interacting with a lot of people. Iv realised this thru lockdown. Feels more peaceful. I feel like flying away and living somewhere really far with my kids. I know my husband wouldnt want to do that but if he did then i would be ok if he came too. But this is the problem we are so different in that sense. I dont crave social interaction and he does. I feel people around me arent genuine and therefore i distance myself. I could just be having a really bad phase right now. Im just confused. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Do you think you might depressed? Did you feel like this before you were pregnant?

Sorry you’re struggling

I dont think I am depressed. I think I feel supressed by people, iv always felt the need to runaway from people. I have lost trust in friendships my earliest experience was in school when a trusted friend ended up with my boyfriend. Ever since I have struggled with trusting women and keep away. I have 2 best friends and dont let anyone else in. I crave to live in a flat alone and not see anyone or fly away abroad far away as mentioned. Iv felt like this for years but iv always wanted a family too so it was hard to do. As my partner isnt like me. I think its more my nature than depression. When im in social gatherings I seem like an outgoing person but I know the deep truth is that i despise it. I cannot wait to run away and be home alone in my comfort. I cant admit im like this and pretend i love it. My partner kinda knows i hate people coming over and spending time with us too. He gets the vibe. I do wish I loved it. I am an introvert and feel suffocated. My husband is an extrovert and i struggle that i stop things and block people and it makes him feel quite sad at times too.

I dont know if i am better suited to another introvert later on in life. And just run away far and live a life in a countryside. So i dont feel these social pressures. My husband is amazing but unfortunatly he doesnt bring out the best in me. I instead feel strange for being like this. Even tho he doesnt pressure me. But maybe the grass isnt greener on the other side.

I live on my own & I love it . I just can't deal easily with social pressures . I think it's true that introverts are drained by social interaction, extrovert s are energized . Can you get 'alone ' time to recover at all ? Will your husband facilitate this ? Even a bath with the door shut might help .

I love being by myself but also crave social interactions, love making new friends etc. I would hate it if my husband stopped me having people over and with kids I have to facilitate playdates so my daughter has friends. That's just something that comes with the territory when you have children. But to cope with this try and carve out time for yourself. A whole day where you just stay in your room do something relaxing. I (before covid) would go a couple of solo trips a year, I love it. I also lock myself in my room to do some jigsaws or paint...

You are very much an introvert then, as you know. Do you get alone time......ever?? Could you ask him to look after the kids so you can go for a walk alone a few times a week? I really think you need solid time alone to recharge.

Your past could be an issue, but I think the difference with extroverts and introverts is that extroverts crave social interaction so much that they don't really care if it's authentic or it's definitely not as important to them. Many people interact with others not because they actually like them, but because they fulfil some other need in some way - some people really need to feel like they belong in a group, a clique. Social standing or social hierarchy might be important. Some people need to be around others because it alleviates their anxiety. It makes them think 'others are talking to me, therefore I must be a person of value, or importance'. These relationships can be so shallow to someone who's outside of that. There's no deep connection there, just a bunch of people talking at each other, forming a temporary tribe that will soon be replaced by another one. It can be very boring to be around.

Also, what's causing you to be so overwhelmed? Does your husband invite lots of people over usually or wants to meet up with other families a lot?

I know what you mean OP. I also dislike having visitors in my home but as I live alone I have control over that. I couldn't live with someone who wanted people round all the time. I also feel like you've described how I feel when I'm out socially, in my head I can't wait to leave and usually dread the event all the week upto it.

I do get alone time and ever more now that it is the lockdown no one can come over.
And yes my husband loves social gatherings and he will stay there till the end. He will ask to invite people, once he wanted 30 people over in our house and i refused. It gave me a lot of anxiety. I know he felt upset about it too but he never said much.
At events now since we had kids its been so good as I always leave early as the kids are actually cranky! But i know after the lockdown i will feel overwhelmed as people cant wait to see eachother, my husband keeps mentioning all the people we can see and spend lots of time with and hav around. And i cant be a wet blanket i nod and smile and i tell him ahhh i feel a lot of pressure and he says yeah. I dont think he understands me. He says i dont hav to b there (including in our home) but then it feels like we are a seperated couple. Really cant win and kinda wish he was an introvert like me. So we can just focus on us and our life and ourselves.

Thanks for all ur replies it has helped me feel like i am not weird and also to get this off my chest.

I understand, OP. Usually I’m fine with folks coming over but I have my limits. The issue for us is entire days - visitors live too far away to just make it 2 or 3 hours. Ends up being two full meals with some here from midday until very late. Could you compromise and say smaller numbers and for less time rather than all or nothing?

I live with my 2 kids,I kicked my partner out,it was the best decision I ever made x