Boyfriends a dickhead

[charlotte64]

So I have a 7 month old with my partner - both 24, we have a house together I do everything for my little girl and he does hardly anything maybe changes her bum every so often
Anyway yesterday he finished work early and instead of coming home decided he’d go see his mate for the afternoon - I said he shouldn’t really be doing that covid etc and he said it didn’t matter
I went to see my mam for a few hours - she helps me lot with my little girl and I don’t know where I’d be without her, he messages me at 5 o’clock saying he’s home and he would like to see his daughter today - he had his chance earlier but chose to go elsewhere for the day that’s not my problem, I put her to bed and come downstairs and he starts saying awful things like he feels sorry for her having a mam like me my heads fucked I need help he hope she doesn’t turn out like me the only reason he’s with me is so he can see baby everyday ‘ your fucking crazy mate need to get yourself the doctors ‘ i didn’t wanna argue so i said I’m leaving and taking baby and he said she’s staying with him and locked the door - knowing I I left my keys at my mams. I want to leave him but don’t want him to have my little girl - he can’t cope when she cries he can’t settle her for naps won’t give her a bottle he can’t put her to bed, do I have a right to take my little girl from him and him see her on set days? He says I can’t do it and because I haven’t got a house - I could stay with my man she’s already said that, that I couldn’t take her and she’s staying with him

Yes you can absolutely leave with your daughter. And you can call the police if he won't let you.
You'll be fine living with your mum. He's trying to scare you into not going anywhere whilst he treats you like crap. Do not take it.

Is he usually like this? Although even if it's the first time, once is too much. What he said was vile.

He's trying to intimidate you. Call the police if he won't let you leave.

And yes, you can raise your daughter while living at your mum's, he is talking shit

Wait till he next leaves the house and just leave with your baby. Text tour mum to warn her and if he dares to lock you in again call the police, he can't don't do that.

I asked him a few weeks ago if he'd stop speaking to me like shit and treat me a bit better - don't get me wrong I'm no angel but when he's constantly putting me down and making me feel so shit then I'm going to retaliate
I do everything I can for my baby and some days are harder than others but I try he's made me feel so low by saying he feels sorry for her having a mam like me I do everything I can for her
He said he'll take me to court and he'll be having her full time cos he has a house and I don't - I pay quarter of bills atm as on maternity but when I go back the plan was to half everything his names on tenancy

Yes you can leave and yes you can take your dd. He doesn’t really want her he’s just using it as a threat to keep you frightened & in your place.
Start getting your ducks in a row all important documents, keep stakes, do you have your own bank account or is it joint? Please tread carefully, you could contact the police if you think he might get violent or do you have a male friend or relative who could come and help you pack and take you to your mums.

Had he been smoking something?
He sounds weird and abusive.
Call the police, leave and don't go back.

Sometimes he's okay but if I say something he doesn't like or things aren't going his way then I get bombarded with abuse I'm fat no one will want me cos I've got a baby I've got no where to go I couldn't cope without him etc- I could can't remember the last time he's bought a pack of nappies so I know I could do it on my own

Please don't believe all his nonsense, its abusive and he's tying to chip away at you confidence so uou won't leave him. Carry on completely as normal until the next time he leaves the house for a few hours. Then get all the essentials packed up and get you and DD to your mums.

The courts don't care if he has his own house and you don't, it doesn't work that way. And please be kind to yourself, it sounds like a horrible situation to be in!

The old scare tactic of taking you to court for full custody - please don't take him seriously, you do what is best for you and your baby. Pack a bag and leave, today if you can.

Definitely leave, good for you. Make a diary of all the crap he says/does.

Sounds like he got drunk or high- this is no excuse.
It good the tenancy and all the bills are in his name so you don't need to get anything changed when you leave.
The other pp is right he is trying to intimidate you.
Leave then you can decide about access.

As if he wants full time care of a baby he can’t currently be bothered to feed, change, comfort or provide for properly. Put the stupid threads out of your head love and pack a bag as soon as he’s gone to work then go to your mums. It’s brilliant she’s told you you can go there, I’m sure she’ll be happy to have you both there.

You’re doing the right thing leaving. It’s the best gift you can give your daughter. She doesn’t deserve to be around someone so horrible who’s cruel and abusive to her lovely mum. You’re all she needs.

Please be careful, lean on your mum and call the police immediately if he threatens you or tries to stop you going.

Definitely leave. Will you get a chance today? Call your mum and tell her to come round and help you pack your stuff? If all else fails then police.

You're doing the right thing. Stay strong.

He won't go for full custody. They never do.

You 100% should take the baby to your mum's today and move in with her. Let's be honest he doesn't give a shit about you or your baby so I doubt he will fight that hard to see her. It will probably be such a relief for him to have you gone.

You've tried working this out and he just wants to bully and intimidate you. He doesn't do his share with the baby which shows he doesn't have any real.intention of having her full time, just uses her as a tool to control you as he likes having someone to feel.the big man around.

I'm not an expert but can't see why the courts would favour him just because he has a house. You would have a place to stay, at your mum's, and would have your family support network there which if anything would probably strengthen your case.

You're working, and aren't too entangled in the house (I.e. not on the mortgage or tenancy) so there aren't any financial ties.

You're in a good position to leave. Do you have any brothers or male friends who could help you get your stuff out? Don't hesitate to call the police if he does or says anything threatening.

His remarks are abusive, you and your baby don't need to be hearing that stuff. Just get out, apply for maintenance and let him arrange access through the courts.

You can do this, get free of this unpleasant man and have a great life with you and DD

Wait till he’s at work, pack yours and your babies stuff and leave.
He’s a shit Partner and a shit dad.

You could and should leave him and take your daughter. He's unfit to be a sole carer at the moment and you can't stay putting up with that for the sake of your daughter.

Wait until he's out then pack all the essentials (all of your paperwork and babies including birth certificates, red book, your academic certificates, etc etc) and go.

Then call women's aid for practical advice about child custody, housing, what to do if he steps up the abuse (how hes speaking to you and locking you in is abusive).

I'm glad you have your mum x

Move to mum and deal with through police and courts if need too.
Report coercive behaviour and bye bye.

And as others say move when he goes work so he can not abuse you and then your safe

Depending how safe you feel move Monday.. wait till he goes to work. If you feel unsafe go now call the police if necessary..

Do not delete any abusive texts

He would get acess if he took you to court but not residency

If you want to leave him then leave him. And from what you’ve said about him on here - you absolutely should.
If you don’t feel you can do it whilst he’s there then wait for him to go out then pack a bag and go straight to your mums.
All you need is a bag of clothes for baby and some for yourself. Anything else can be picked up later by your family or replaced.

Honestly he sounds awful and it won’t get better. It will only get worse as he begins to realise that you do want to leave, he will grind you down and make you feel so low that you won’t have the capacity or strength to leave. So you’ve got to do it now!!!

In terms of being able to get custody of your baby - that won’t happen. He has a right to spend time with her and have regular access so I wouldn’t withhold that - I would allow him to see her at your mums for instance. I wouldn’t let him take her at this point, as he’s previously threatened to keep her or lock you out.

Let him take you to court. All that would entail is sorting out a formal access order for him. Having a house / job / car doesn’t make him likely to get custody, it is very very unlikely a young baby would be removed from their mother.

Leave now, tell your mum exactly what’s been happening, please don’t waste any more of your life with this immature nasty piece of work

Wait until he's out then pack all the essentials (all of your paperwork and babies including birth certificates, red book, your academic certificates, etc etc) and go

This is excellent advice, take all important paperwork in case he decided to withhold or destroy it. Not saying he will, but it's better safe than Sorry!

Also if you can find his ni number take tgat easier to rrace through cms

Please please leave. Wait until he is next out and just go to your mums. He is a vile abusive man. You owe it to your child and yourself to be free of this dickhead.

A man who barely even changes a nappy won't go for custody. He's just using your baby as a threat to keep you in your place. Your child deserves a happy, abuse free life and so do you

You will be fine as a single parent. I've been a single mum to my twins since they were 15 months and we are doing great. Yes it's hard but it's 110% better than when their useless dad was on the scene.

@charlotte64 hope you are ok and have managed or have a plan that leave.