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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I want a divorce but I need advice

37 replies

mumto4gorgeouschildren · 06/02/2021 02:02

Hello everyone, I'm a mum to 4 and have been married nearly 17 years. I am 34 and marries really young at 18. My DH was awful and physically abusive as well as emotionally. Things got a little better as in he stopped physically abusing me but still mentally tortured me and the emotional abuse too. Anyway today he got me across my face really hard twice Infront of me eldest dd 14. He's generally a dad but has an awful temper and he goes 0-100 in a split second with any of us. Regularly to the eldest dd too. That's what happened today and I tried to intervene. He totally lost it. He sits there telling her lies about me abs now everytime he argues with mr he keeps calling the dc down to see and hear it as he knows it will annoy me. I don't then respond abs he says awful lies about me. The dc get terrified. But on a daily basis they love him he plays it's them and spends time with them too it he's too hard on them and expects too much.
Anyway long story short I've decided I want to separate, I stopped working after I had my youngest dc 3. We own our house and now he's insisting we sell it and I leave with the children. I don't have a job the money I'll get from the house is close to 100k I assume. Where will I go? How will I do this? I live in London so obviously won't be able to afford to buy a place here, I really want to get my own place and settle my dc. I need to find work. I don't have any qualifications either. I'd love to be able to train and make money for the dc. Someone please help. What shall I do? I need to leave this toxic reactionahip, he just never realised his mistake, it's always someone else's fault for triggering his reaction and I've had enough.

Sorry for the long post

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 06/02/2021 12:49

"You can't make decisions based on their worries, you're the adult, you need to make the life choices for them." Please read this several times. You must protect them.

mumto4gorgeouschildren · 06/02/2021 12:51

@Shehasadiamondinthesky yes I will have to move out of London that's for sure, the struggle is I don't wanton uproot my dd who is in year 10 Until after she finishes her GCSEs, obviously she's missed so much school due to lockdown and I think the move before her GCSEs might just be too much for her. But after she's done I'd definitely have to which I'm ok with, a fresh start.

OP posts:
mumto4gorgeouschildren · 06/02/2021 12:52

@Italiangreyhound yes you're right thank you

OP posts:
Stillfunny · 06/02/2021 13:03

Glad to hear you are willing take positive steps to leave him. Your children will thank you when they realise how much better and calmer their life will be.

mumto4gorgeouschildren · 06/02/2021 13:43

@Stillfunny thank you and I really hope so, I feel so guilty about everything anyway.

OP posts:
Stillfunny · 06/02/2021 14:45

Mothers always do !

Italiangreyhound · 06/02/2021 16:30

The guilt belongs to the abuser not to you. Flowers

GeeBranzi · 07/03/2021 05:08

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

rulerbirds · 07/03/2021 06:40

Stay in your home. Do not leave. Do not sign anything. You have rights. Call the police and tell them what’s happened. He hit you across the face in front of your child. You are scared and you want him removed. This is domestic violence. Get him removed. Then see a solicitor. You tell them about the DV. You should be able to get free legal fees. Keep posting here. Most solicitors for a free half hour of advice.

rulerbirds · 07/03/2021 06:43

Do not go to Hastings. It’s expensive anywhere on the south coast. Transport is tricky. Schools aren’t great. Look up to an hour around you. Look at haywards heath. Burgess hill. Worthing. Great schools and good transport links. You need to live somewhere you can get an education and a job. Don’t worry about that yet. You need to see a solicitor first. Call the police to get him removed. Then women’s aid. Then rights for women

rulerbirds · 07/03/2021 06:44

rightsofwomen.org.uk/

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