How can I get out of this mess?

[RubyD]

Hi everyone, currently unable to sleep as husband getting drunk on his own downstairs.

We’ve been married 10 years and he has a drink problem. Gave him an ultimatum in January and he came up with a plan to drink no more than 2 drinks and save blow outs for when he was out with his friends (obviously in the future out of lockdown). He has been doing this since then and I really thought go to we had turned things around.

He found a new job, has been out exercising and everything was looking good. He said how much happier he has been.

Tonight we had a Zoom party with friends and he just kept refilling his glass. Eventually I made my excuses and left but he is still down there drinking. I tried to confront him but he lost it and called a boring bitch. I slapped him and he punched me in the arm.

He will never change and I am stuck with him during this lockdown. His new job initially means less money so we will be under pressure with that too and i have been unable to work as a massage therapist. A new job this year so I don’t get any financial help. I feel so trapped. I have no family in the country and literally no idea what to do.

Feel gutted as he was doing really well. I know it might sound like I am overreacting over a few drinks but when he starts he just can’t control it.

How can I get myself out of this mess?

We have two kids aged 6 and 8 who adore him.

Thank you

It's very hard right now. Sounds like he'd made progress and then massive relapse? Life is pretty rough for people right now. No answers and I wouldn't know what to advise but I'd try get sleep and think tomorrow

@RubyD is this his first blow out since he started his new routine? You have said in your post that he would save any blow outs for when he was out with friends and technically this zoom party was that. It’s just lockdown that’s prevented it being a normal gathering. How much was he drinking previously?

Your relationship has devolved into physical violence. It's high time to end it.

Hi @Jerseygirl000 he was drinking one or two bottles of wine a day. Xmas day he had 4 or 5 by himself. He said he would save blow outs for nights out without me there so I don’t have to see it. He said he would plan weekends away with his friends in the future. He becomes a different person, really nasty and I can’t bear it.

@RubyD I am currently going through the same with my partner. He was drinking far too much and I gave him an ultimatum. Since then he is really trying to cut back but sometimes I can’t help get mad like you In these situations. However, I try and take a step back and look at what he’s achieved so far. The difference is that my partner doesn’t get nasty after a drink and if I was to give him a nudge to say he seems to be slipping he would take it on board and it wouldn’t turn into us getting physically mad at each other. Your husbands reaction towards you is not acceptable and neither is him being nasty to you. However him having a drink and enjoying himself on this zoom party doesn’t mean all his hard work has gone down the drain. It’s tough times right now and he might just be enjoying himself?

Regardless of what's gone on you should never have slapped him. And he shouldn't have retaliated.
He obviously struggling he needs support not physical violence.