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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I abusive?

7 replies

geoblip · 05/02/2021 22:19

I've just broken up with my boyfriend again, it's been on/off for a while now, I have feelings for him and attracted to him but we are very different in personality, we are not compatible I always known this but whenever I've ended it and it's always me because I'm honest I tell him why I don't want to be with him then a few weeks later he gets in touch and says he'll change what I don't like, of course this only lasts a day before he's back in his old ways.
I let him back because I'm lonely and naive to think he'll change.

This time I've chucked him out as he's been staying at mine after quitting his job not bothering to find another one, I felt like he's treating my place as a free hotel. Smoking weed, gaming just bumming around.

Apparently it's my fault that I keep getting back with him, wanting a relationship then telling him to go, he says that's abusive to him?
I know I should be strong enough to say no in the first place, but feel like he's the one not even trying.

OP posts:
HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee · 05/02/2021 22:25

You’re not abusive you are inconsistent which allow him to manipulate you
So make a decision stick to it.Tell him to take his sad lazy arse and leave

WouldstrokeTomHardy · 05/02/2021 22:30

The cocklodger is cocklodging. Fuck him off for good.

Greenevalley · 05/02/2021 22:33

Your bf is trying to deflect from his own bad behaviour.
Don't take him back.

LizzieSiddal · 05/02/2021 22:36

He doesn’t want to take responsibility that it’s his behaviour which is causing you, very sensibly to end the relationship. So he’s blaming you.

Stop taking him back because he will never change! You deserve much better.

geoblip · 05/02/2021 22:37

He's gone and I've blocked and deleted him from my phone, I really do think that is it now. I have been inconsistent and I need to break the cycle. I think he must realise his bad behaviour but turns it all on me.

OP posts:
HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee · 05/02/2021 22:44

Well yes of course he turns it on you,he’s unlikely to say,on balance I’m a dick

LizzieSiddal · 06/02/2021 11:05

Well done for seeing the light and blocking him. DO NOT take him back.

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