He doesn’t want commitment but then confuses me?

[Overrona21]

So I’ve been seeing a guy for 6 months. At first he made a load of comments about how I’m his future girlfriend etc. We were very much in lust. Early on we agreed to not sleep with or see other people. We speak everyday. He’s told me he loves me, his family found out about but but I saw him tell his sister I was nothing serious.

So I asked him about it and he said he doesn’t want to rush into everything. Stupidly I believed him. I have a male friend I’m close with and when I had corona he did some shopping for me. The guy I’m seeing got so jealous and said the thought of me with another man pains him. So I asked him what is really going on? He said he’s not ready for a relationship. I get that means he’s not into me. So I just said okay and tried to move on. Recently he’s been stalking my Instagram every day even though he no longer follows me. I blocked him. He said he still cares about me, he still loves me. WTF is this head fuck

Sounds like he wants to keep you hanging until he's ready. Sounds like he needs an ego boost. Sounds like a waste of your time. Next!

Oh been there, done that a million times. So have many other women. Our advice? Don't give him any more thought. Go and find someone who will be on the same page as you. This guy just isn't ready to commit, it's probably not personal, he's just not ready in life. All the commitment phobic men I dated in my 20s are still single and dating in their 30s and 40s. He may like you, sure, he may enjoy the attention and company, sure. He may get jealous seeing you with other men. But he's not going to commit. Move on and find a man more suited to what you're looking for in life - there are plenty of them out there.

It’s so weird I took it personally, I tried to be ‘perfect’ so he could see how great I am sad I know. I suppose I just can see him settling down with the next woman it makes me feel inadequate

Read the book "why men love bitches"

Stop being the nice girl, slowly start backing off and become a bit more mysterious. Men like a challenge and you're just too easy.. start treating him mean, don't pick up his calls as often. Give him a taste of "nothing serious"

Forgot to add,

It worked for me, he committed and we're expecting. If you act like you want nothing serious, he's either going to beg for you or if he doesn't like you much, he'll move on. Either way you'll know where you stand when you back off and let him lead

I'm going through this right now (or I was a month ago, I've cut contact now) so get exactly how you feel. Same kind of situation, 6 months, started well with him saying he was looking for something long term etc, then November time he told me he didn't know whether he had the time for a serious relationship. No time during lockdown? Pull the other one.

I was absolutely heartbroken and wanted to continue being with him so I acted like I was fine with that. I wasn't. It was killing me. I had to find my self respect, put myself first, and put up some boundaries.

I stopped messaging him and haven't heard from him in several weeks. It's hard at times but it was the only way for me.

I did take it personally at first, I almost felt like I'd disappointed him, and that he did still want to find a long term relationship, just not with me.

Looking back he's just a commitment phobe with narcissistic tendencies. Early 30s and has never lived with a woman nor had a relationship of any note.

It's not me, it's him. I fully believe he'll ultimately end up alone or at least single way into his middle age

It’s just so weird. If you don’t want to commit why are you jealous over me? I don’t really want to play games because surely if he wanted me, if I’m nice or a bitch. He would want me.

I’m sorry you went through that, the guy I was seeing had a girlfriend a few years ago who still is in touch with his family. Made me feel even worse if I’m honest but I suppose just cutting contact and slowly moving on is key.

He likes you enough to want you to commit to him. He just doesn’t like you enough to want to commit to you.

There’s a saying about cake and the eating of that applies here.

You need to understand that these type of people think of you like a possession rather than a person

So you might have several phones, or even have one phone, but be looking to upgrade at some point. Either way, if someone else tries to take your phone, you'd still be pissed off, yeah? Except in this case, his phone has the ability to put itself on ebay, where anyone could buy it. He'd be just as annoyed that it won't be available to him as if someone had stolen it.

There's your answer.