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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feel like a fool

10 replies

Veevee457 · 05/02/2021 09:37

I know I'll probably get flamed for this as these kind of threads don't tend to go well.
Still, I have no one to talk to about this in real life so I'm putting it here. Apologies, it'll probably be long.

Basically the story is, I moved from London to a small country town last year and have a 7 month old baby boy. Obviously with lock down there's nothing to do and I have no family around. So all there is is the daily walk around my (small) area.

The issue I'm having is there's this neighbour that I sort of got to know through chatting last year who I'd bump into every now and then. From the very beginning I thought I felt some sort of chemistry but obviously just brushed it off. We're both married and he has a 5 month old baby boy. My husband would be friendly with him too although we don't really know his wife at all, we just seem to bump into him on his own. Should also mention that he and I have a couple of things in common which I think contribute to us feeling a bit friendly.

Anyway, long story short is I'm bumping into him a lot now on the daily walks (he can't work because of lockdown). We had a really nice, fairly long chat the other day. I asked after his wife and we mainly spoke about the babies but I got that vibe again. I know it sounds cringey. I think part of the problem is that we're both in that baby rut that's amplified by lockdown where we're not seeing anyone so bumping into each other has just become a pleasant part of the day/week. I will admit to finding him attractive. Have done since the start. I don't want to sound big headed at all but I do suspect he might feel the same.

So, really the point of this thread and what has me all in a tizz, is yesterday, on the walk I saw him coming down the road. It's a very narrow path and there's a gap where you would stop in to let someone pass especially these days with social distancing (he did this the last day and this is where we chatted) but I sort of felt really awkward and uncomfortable when I saw him so I didn't pull in as such and just kept going. I was very friendly as we passed, said hi to him and made some friendly passing comment, but he had to practically swerve onto the road to go around with the pram and I'm afraid now that I came across as rude or something for 1. Not moving in and 2. Looking like I didn't want to stop and chat. I literally cringed at myself afterwards and I'm convinced he thinks I fancy him now or that I'm weird or something.

PLEASE tell me that I'm over thinking this massively and that he didn't give all of this a second thought. Or not, if you think so and I'll just have to deal with it. I'm not usually so paranoid and awkward but I think I just went into protective mode and made an attempt to not get too friendly or something. I don't know. Just worried that I came across rude considering our very friendly chat the other day.

I'm already going to avoid that route for a few days even though the walking paths are limited with the pram. I'm pretty sure the advice will also be to just forget about him/hopefully avoid seeing him for a while and these feelings will pass...

Ugh I feel like such a twat.

OP posts:
Whatsapppussycat · 05/02/2021 09:53

It does seem that you fancy him, not because you didn’t stop but because you are fretting about how it looked to him and you’ve said you find him attractive. It sounds like a good idea to avoid him for a while.

Veevee457 · 05/02/2021 12:10

Thanks for taking the time to read and reply @Whatsapppussycat. I totally admit to fancying him, yes. I just feel like a fool even though I know the odd crush here and there is normal. I'd hate anyone thinking I'm rude though!

OP posts:
AryaStarkWolf · 05/02/2021 12:14

He probably just thinks you were in a rush tbh

Ncforthis1234567 · 05/02/2021 12:16

I’d go for the same routine walk and if you see him again say hi and chat: I’m sorry about last time we saw each other, I felt I was being rude. I had a lot on my mind (calling your mum or some such excuse) and say lockdown seems to be getting to you. Let him talk and don’t salivate when you see him Grin No big deal abs just move on and stop obsessing.

bonfireheart · 05/02/2021 12:16

Go for a walk at a different time and avoid him altogether.

RogersVideo · 05/02/2021 12:19

I think when you have babies/small children weird behaviour can always be excuses by tiredness. If you want, you could mention your baby has been sleeping badly the last few weeks and you've been feeling like a zombie.

I think it's OK to enjoy fancying him as long you can keep hold of yourself, otherwise you might need to start changing where you walk.

gamerchick · 05/02/2021 12:22

@Veevee457

Thanks for taking the time to read and reply *@Whatsapppussycat*. I totally admit to fancying him, yes. I just feel like a fool even though I know the odd crush here and there is normal. I'd hate anyone thinking I'm rude though!
Have you actually admitted that 'outloud' before? This is a dangerous slippy bank you're peering over the edge of OP. You're bored and isolated. Your brain is searching for happy chemicals. A crush is ideal for this.

But that's all it is. It's all chemicals that has the power to disrupt your life in a way you would want.

You know when you wish you could go back in town and undo something? Take this as you going back in time and just dont. Find those happy chemicals elsewhere, with your bloke.

gamerchick · 05/02/2021 12:22

*wouldn't want

DeathToCovid · 05/02/2021 12:38

He did probably think you were in a rush tbh, next time you bump into him you could always say sorry for not being able to stop yesterday as you were in a rush to feed the baby or something? Then you won’t feel so awkward.

There are many people you’ll find attractive at some point in life, it’s how you handle it, you can always have a little crush and be friends with someone in the village in passing, there is nothing wrong with that, we’re all bored, locked down, you’re probably tired and in a baby haze. Just enjoy it for what it is, a friendly chat with someone you think is quite hot.

Veevee457 · 05/02/2021 14:49

Thanks for the replies, I don't feel as bad now and really do hope he thinks I was just in a rush. I'd like to be able to bump into him again and say I was in a rush as suggested, but I probably won't see him again now for ages, or just from a distance or something. It's either a lot all at once or not for a good while! Also agree with what a previous poster said regarding boredom and the happy chemicals. I think that's totally it and yes have absolutely admitted (to myself!) that I'm attracted to him.

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