I need help to leave a dangerous relationship

[ChaosEmerald]

NC, posting in desperation.

I'm beginning to feel like a shadow of myself. I've tried to leave a number of times but he's very persistent and I get pulled back in.

Some of the things he's done/is doing:

• monitors my WhatsApp online status, then quizzes me on it
• wants to know where I am, who I've been with
• accuses me of doing things I haven't done, and of talking to people I haven't talked to
• locked me in his flat and held me down so I couldn't get away
• stood outside the window of a friend's house and watched me, on one occasion I know of
• spied on me through bushes near my house, on two occasions that I know of
• stood outside my flat door when I thought he'd gone home, eavesdropping on a private conversation
• humiliated me in front of my friends
• contacted one (that I know of) of my ex partners
• regularly accuses me of cheating on him
• tried to access my phone

etc.

I'm on eggshells. I'm afraid to do anything without telling him because I feel like he's watching me, like he might be in the bushes, and I'll get interrogated about it afterwards. I dash in and out of WhatsApp to respond to messages, for fear he'll see me online and it will have repercussions later.

When I've tried to break up with him, some of the behaviour ramps up. For example, some of the stalking and contacting an ex was done when we weren't together.

I can't contact the police. They were involved after he locked me in his flat but they were useless, didn't investigate it properly, shelved it and ultimately made things worse. Years ago they also failed to investigate a rape properly. I have no faith in the police whatsoever.

I know what I have to do, but I don't know how to do it. I'm afraid of what will come after, how much things will escalate. I'm worried about how I'll cope in lockdown alone (no family, closest friends locked down in other parts of the country). It's a cliche but most of the time he's very caring and affectionate. I realise this is not a reason to stay, and there's nothing loving or caring about what he's done/is doing, but things are very difficult at the moment. I will go months/however long the pandemic goes on for without touching another human being. I don't know what that would do to me mentally (this isn't great mentally either, I know).

How can I prepare to leave this relationship and then make the leap? His behaviour really frightens me. He doesn't know I have an account here and I'm using private browsing, but I'm even bracing myself for him finding this thread.

Can you be somewhere else for a while when you break up with him? Do you have any family or friends you could stay with for a a couple of weeks till the things settle down. I would go there. Then text or email to say it’s over. You’re unhappy in the relationship. It’s not a healthy relationship for you. You’ve decided to leave. You’re blocking him because you’re not going to subject yourself to his post-breakup behavior again. Tell him goodbye and wish him good luck with his life. Tell him not to contact you and that you won’t be responding if he does contact you.
The important thing is this is not a conversation. Don’t do this via phone or in person. He doesn’t get a say in your decision. You are simply telling him you’ve made this decision. He does not get a right to reply. You’ve done the conversation part multiple times and the result is you are still in a relationship that makes you scared. Don’t go into details. He already knows the details. Be somewhere he can’t find you for a bit until he has a chance to calm and down and realise this is happening, the relationship is over for good.

Chances are he was like it before but he has more time now so it’s more obvious