Not had sex for ages within my marriage.

[Eveready345]

Not had sex for more than a year and sporadic before that. Have 2 kids DS13 (autistic), DS15,and I have 1, DS24 from before, fantastic dad and step dad. He is the primary earner, I work part time, he works away most of the time, I work in a pharmacy so COVID hasn’t affected our lives too much apart obviously home schooling.
Everything is fine we plod along and to be clear I’m for the most part happy and he seems to be too. But... I feel I’m missing out on sex or at least feeling wanted. He was never really bothered about sex, I mean he says all the right things and is cuddly and affectionate. I don’t know what I’m asking, is it enough to end my marriage or is happy placid affection enough. I know it’s stupid, I’m the only person to answer in my relationship, but I suppose what would other people do? I’m in a rut, everyone in my family relies on me to be the stable one, and I like that. All my kid are secure with the marriage especially my youngest due to his special needs.

I wouldn't be able to have a relationship if I wasn't getting the sexual attention or affection that I need.

A year is a long time to not feel wanted sexually. For me a week leaves me feeling a bit rejected.

Have you spoken to him about this? How you're feeling, how be might be feeling, what you both feel might be causing this?

Have you tried to 'spice' things up at all

These are crazy times. Lockdown is affecting everyone. I’m guessing you’ve got the kids in the house 24 / 7 !? Which stops you and your husband swinging from the chandelier......

I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing the deed with teenage kids in the house and it’s not like you can book a weekend away, set aside a ‘ special ‘ time, dress up, role play etc, etc.

In the back of his mind he might be thinking the same thing. Men don’t pick up the social or sexual cues like women do.

As in most ( long term ) relationships, communication is the real issue. Maybe he’s stressed at work, maybe he’s worried that none of you catch Covid, especially you, working in a pharmacy and having contact with the general public.

When this pandemic is over, divorce lawyers are going to earn millions.....

The ongoing and seemingly endless lockdowns have given people a new lens which to look at their relationship, with. And for most it isn’t a pretty view.

Bite your lip and talk to him about it.

Thank you for your replies, same as I was thinking. Thank you.

You need to sit down and discuss it as
Everybody needs to feel wanted. Having teenagers in the house shouldn’t
Be the reason for a sexless relationship. I find a lock on the bedroom door helps!You need to think it you are missing out and if you want to continue living like this xx

Only you can answer if you are missing out, and only your husband can answer the same, you may need a bedroom based discussion, something along the lines of “I noticed we have not been intimate much recently, is everything okay “, or something along those lines, and go from there, the communication has to be started by one of you

To be honest, everything else sounds good and you are otherwise happy. He's not turned off affection, which is a good sign. Defo need to talk to him about it. Has he been under more stress? Has he any health worries? Is he just a bit bored of life in lockdown as a lot of us are?

I think you need to talk to him like others have said, explore all the options before you leave him. Everything seems to be going well for you guys. Marriage is hard work, you have to communicate communicate communicate.