Should I be bothered with this.....

[pinkroses]

It was my birthday yesterday and bitchy MIL sent a card with 'best wishes *' No love, no kisses, nothing!!! This upset me. Now I don't see eye to eye with MIL, but I just feel this was out of order. What right has she got to be so mean on my birthday. She didn't ring to wish me Happy Birthday or anything.

Now I told dh that this was a mean thing for her to do, but he doesn't seem to care.....and isn't going to say anything to her about it. He doesn't seem bothered that i am really upset.

Do you think I am over-reacting. Oh, and MIL has said horrid things to my face before and dh has allowed her to.

Well, you could get dead upset, demand your dh does something about it, insult her to her face etc. etc. and let it cause trouble in your marriage (which is probably what she wants).

Or you could rise above it, and not give her the satisfaction.

At least you got a card, which is more than I get from my FIL

I'd have prefered nothing instead of her being horrible. I am just annoyed with dh as he isn't bothered with my feelings over any of this. My MIL is a pain in the botty, and he allows her to treat me so nasty.

Hang on .. you don't get on with the woman obviously and yet you expect her to write 'love' and kisses on a card .. which you obviously would not believe

I think she did bloody well sending you a birthday card in the first place and best wishes can be meant sincerely

Sorry, think you may be overreacting little bit

I never received anything - birthday card, Xmas card, anniversary card etc - from xh's family. Not a sausage.

If you don't get on that well with her, would you put 'love and kisses' on a card to her? Wouldn't that be a wee bit insincere? I agree with twiglett that 'best wishes' can be sincere and meant in a nice way. Sorry!

It wouldn't have bothered me as i wouldn't want my MIL to love and kisses on a card to me, she is evil.

I never get anything either and it doesn't bother me.
I really wouldn't give it too much thought and as twiglett said, it would be a bit hypoctitical to say love and kisses when you don't see eye to eye!

Pinkroses, I don't think it matters about the card. I do think her saying horrid things to your face and dh allowing her to matters though. I'd be much more concerned about that.

I don't think the card itself is worth bothering about but I'd be concerned about the way your dh is happy to let his mother say horrible things to you. I've been there from the other side, ie my mother being nasty to dh, and I didn't hesitate to let her know that I wouldn't stand for it.

that's what I've been thinking. He can't think too much of me if he allows his mum to say horrid things to me.

What do I do?? I've tried getting him to change and side with me, but I doubt if this will ever happen.

If your dh is just one of those people who doesn't want to get involved then I wouldn't let myself get worked up. However, if he would jump to his mother's defence should you insult her then yes I would be bothered and tell him so.

I imagine it must be hard for your dh to take sides in this matter. However, i think he should have a quiet word with his mother, saying that she may not see eye to eye with you but that is no excuse for rudeness. If she can't be civil then she should say nothing.

yuk yuk yuk.
I never got on with my ex MIL - cow on wheels.

If I got love and kisses from her, I would start wondering if she was going senile!!

Don't worry yourself. You wouldn't be so two faced, would you... you would only think her as two faced if she did... accept that you got a card.

Hope you had a lovely birthday. BTW, it was my mums birthday yesterday too.

I'm sorry, I don't understand the problem.

You're upset that the card you got from your MIL didn't say "love and kisses". How old are you? Aren't you and your MIL both grown-ups? Did you expect her to draw little love hearts and a row of X's? A card that says "best wishes" seems perfectly nice and civilised to me, especially when you're not best buddies.

I'm always thrilled if someone goes to the trouble to send me a card on my birthday - I wouldn't call it a mean thing to do.

The last sentence of your first post is the line that's a little concerning, but if you react this way to a perfectly nice gesture, then I wouldn't be surprised if your husband doesn't say anything because there's no reason to say anything.