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Original poster

Sister threatens violence against my parents and they won't do anything about it

19 replies

mooneus · 04/02/2021 18:33

My 35 year sister has severe mental health problems but refuses to get any help. She still lives with my parents who are both pensioners now.

Twice in the last month she has threatened to slap my mother in the face. After what I hear is a very minor disagreement.

I've had enough and genuinely fear for my parents as it's just them and her together in the house. They're both in their 60s and would not be able to overpower her if she did get violent. My mum has cried to me on the phone and my dad is scared to talk to my sister in case she does get violent.

I have told my parents they need to tell my sister to get help with her mental health or ask her to leave. However each time they say they need her leave, they dont act on it.

I am incredibly frustrated and genuinely fear for my parents safety. I am thinking about telling my parents that I won't see them again if they don't take some sort of action with my sister. It can't go on and is not a good environment for any of them. Do you think that is a good way to inspire them to take action?

OP posts:

Livy178 · 04/02/2021 18:43

That sounds awful but I personally do not think that is the best approach as then your parents could become isolated . Can you not speak to your sister ?

funnylittlefloozie · 04/02/2021 18:54

Do you know what I'd do? (Warning, this is the nuclear option) l'd tell my sister to sort her life out, if she ever touched mum or dad I'd call the police myself. I'd actually hope she'd assault me, and then I would call the police,.

I would also ask my dad if i could put a camera in the house. Unfortunately people in your parents' position have ended up murdered by their mentally ill child... you really don't want that.

HighSpecWhistle · 04/02/2021 19:13

No, all you're doing is cutting off the support they need. I think that would be a pretty hurtful thing to do.

Have they contacted a mental health charity or organisation for support? Does she have a diagnosis? Do you suspect a particular diagnosis?

RealMermaid · 04/02/2021 19:24

Get in touch with your local adults safeguarding team and report your concerns that way?

Original poster

mooneus · 04/02/2021 20:27

I suspect she has something called antisocial personality disorder. We suspect she may also be taking drugs.

We have tried to speak about it before and she completely loses it. Like she could potentially trash the place. My parents live in fear of their own child in their own home

OP posts:

CallistoSol · 04/02/2021 20:39

@funnylittlefloozie

I would also ask my dad if i could put a camera in the house. Unfortunately people in your parents' position have ended up murdered by their mentally ill child... you really don't want that.

I'd do something like this too. There is absolutely no way a sibling of mine would be threatening my parents without me getting very involved and backing my parents up.

CallistoSol · 04/02/2021 20:40

Speak to her face to face. When she loses it call the police, get her sectioned. With the correct medication she could be fine, but she should not be living with your parents.

Jesskir89 · 04/02/2021 20:54

Omg this is awful. Dont cut your parents off they need your help. Speak to your sister yourself? No way would I allow this and if you're scared report it you can't let this go on

frippit · 04/02/2021 21:12

Speaking from a very similar situation in which I told my sister this. She started screaming and swearing rampaging round the house calling me all sorts of obscenities, said she was very sensitive and then ran out the house and drove off narrowly missing my younger sister. My parents blamed me for it all and said I shouldnt have upset her as she's sensitive.
I went home, sister returned and my parents accepted her back blaming me for causing all the upset.
Nothing was solved. However she did assault me quite badly one time but my parents said again that she was very sensitive and I made her do it because I'd upset her. I was too scared to call the police.
So I would say go carefully as when it comes to the crunch your parents may take her side even though it's detrimental to them.

user1481840227 · 04/02/2021 21:17

@CallistoSol

Speak to her face to face. When she loses it call the police, get her sectioned. With the correct medication she could be fine, but she should not be living with your parents.

I'm not in the UK but surely it's not as easy as just calling the police and getting her sectioned if she happens to lose it.

PandaVie · 04/02/2021 21:31

But aren’t your parents enabling her? Isn’t it “on them” to a large extent if they are putting up with it? They are in their 60s, not 90s.

Can you see your parents alone and tell them your concerns about the situation?

What else can you do? Would social services be interested “elder abuse?”. Explore that avenue?

Santaiscovidfree · 04/02/2021 21:34

Report your dps to the council as vulnerable adults...

PandaVie · 04/02/2021 21:34

As Mermaid said, the local adult safeguarding team. If she has suspected Anti Social Disorder I’m not sure confronting her would help, and might even be dangerous for you?

category12 · 04/02/2021 21:41

Has she actually been violent? You say a lot about what she could do, but has she trashed the place or been violent previously? I'm not saying the threats aren't bad enough but does she still have control enough not to follow through?

I wouldn't stop seeing your parents - might they all be considered vulnerable adults, so would it worth trying to get adult social services involved?

gypsywater · 04/02/2021 21:48

Does she actually have a diagnosis of ASPD? It's very rare in women. It's not a mental ILLNESS either and is a personality disorder that she is highly unlikely to take responsibility for. The prison system is FULL of individuals with ASPD (almost by definition if you look at the diagnostic criteria). Its so sad when parents enable people with PDs, it does noone any favours.

CallistoSol · 04/02/2021 21:54

Depends if she's already on their radar tbh. A friend of mine used to section himself (his words) when his addiction got too much to bear. It may also depend on which LA she is under.

Original poster

mooneus · 04/02/2021 22:37

No we haven't had a diagnosis, it's just what I suspect based on her behaviour. She has very little respect for authority and has been arrested before for calling a police officer scum. She doesn't work - so essentially she's living off my parents pension, which is something else that makes me angry about the whole situation.

OP posts:

ij96 · 04/02/2021 22:39

Really difficult situation, if they are scared though if you say you'll cut them off they'll probably let you.

You could try adult social services but your parents would need to be on board.

I've been in a similar situation, my sister has undiagnosed MH issues, aggressive, narcissistic, self absorbed and lives at home. My mum is a lot younger but unfortunately I had to cut her out. It took a long time for me to realise how toxic she really is and for an easy life my mum agrees with her!

Really hope things are resolved soon for you and your parents.

Bettysnow · 04/02/2021 23:22

As the last poster said i would also ring adult social services and speak with a social worker as to how best to protect them. Another avenue to explore is age concern who again should be able to advise you

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