How do you leave someone??

[Done2021]

In my situation I have a 3 and 2 year and we depend financially on my partner. I am on the mortgage he pays it but otherwise not involved in his finances. I work 2 days a week and earn just over living wage plus have lived in my OD since having the DC.
My partner started his own business in august and the fact we are still in the pandemic seems to have led him to a choice of family or business he even suggested he live away and only see us some weekends as he can’t do it all and now understands why people leave their family!
It breaks my heart of course but if he really feels that way then I feel I should prepare, the thing that’s not going to be straight forward is finances he’s also not in a great place financially hence the pressure for the business to be a success which I do/ did support but now it’s impacting our family life I’m not so sure.
The big trigger for this has been 2 weeks isolation with the kids we all had covid and very little sleep and now the 2 year old is not sleeping at all and if we try leave him alone he just screams and screams then my partner gets angry so I’ve taken to sleeping on his bedroom floor however at some points I’ve been so tired 2yo has got up and made his way in with daddy that has caused my partner to get angry.
It’s such a horrible situation and in all honesty I don’t think he’ll leave us as I don’t get how he can afford it. But from everything he’s been saying I feel maybe I should be the one to leave with the kids but I really don’t know where to start! Starting with family is not an option as my parents are in the midst of moving house themselves and they would be my only option. Any wise words appreciated as at the moment as I’m sure a lot of parents are Finding it’s a struggle to keep the house in order with 2 preschoolers around constantly let alone organising leaving a relationship.

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Hi, sorry you've had no replies so far.
To be honest, I would suggest to him that he works away whilst you get your ducks in a row, no need to tell him of your plans.

Do you have any savings or access to money for a rental deposit or similar?
Does he pay his way or is everything left to you?

Whilst I realise he's not in a good place financially, if you leave it's no longer your problem ( except for CSA).

Also, be kind to yourself. You've just had coronavirus and had to look after the ds, you must be exhausted.

My main issue is unfortunately I don’t have any savings. I think if it was too happen we would have to sell our house we have completely renovated and extended so will have made some money on it hopefully that would give us both enough to start again. He actually earns really good money running his company it’s part of a group of companies so he gets some crazy amount a month but due to everything we’ve done on the house there is a lot of debt to be paid off when that’s settled he should be in a very good place financially which perhaps would make him a better partner but after reading stuff on here don’t know if I’d be foolish to wait and see. It is a very strange time where we are in the middle of a pandemic and I’ve just realised he’s the adult I’ve seen in 4 weeks where as he has seen people as after isolation finished he could go out to work again (he’s in construction)

Do you want to split with him? I'm assuming you are by your post. Thing is, no time is ever a good time as we put obstacles in the way to avoid facing up to a dilemma. It took me ages to finally tell my exh I wanted him to go ( it is my house) because I was scared of the fallout financially and emotionally. It was hard to start with but I eventually found my stride.

I think it's very telling that he is happy for you to sleep on the floor then got annoyed because your toddler got in bed with him. Is he normally that selfish?

Why are you in your overdraft? If it's to feed and clothe the family, your dp really needs to be contributing more.

Can you increase your hours?

In all honesty I don’t know as things have been great up until now so don’t know if it is just the situation or this is what life will be like now he has his own business. To make matters more complicated we are due to get married in July postponed from September.

He can be selfish but doesn’t always see it in his view he needed sleep as had an early start and I didn’t have work the next day and if he doesn’t work we wouldn’t have our house etc.... I’m trying to see it from his point of view and feel he’s reaching his limits too and somethings got to give and I keep thinking if he keeps saying that something is me and the kids we can’t mean that much to him.

I do the food shop and clothes the kids etc so it’s just a build up over time of being on maternity and working part time that I don’t seem to be able to catch up with it! And because he took out a loan to do the house I hate asking for money, I do and he always gives it but still don’t like it

Honestly it sounds to me that you are both stressed and knackered. I think some time apart may just give you the breathing space to make a rational decision. And get off the floor...you need your rest as much as he does. Sending hugs

But if he earns tons more than you do, he needs to pay for things in proportion to that. You're enabling him to work the hours he does by taking care of the dc - otherwise for things to be fair, he ought to be doing half the childcare/paying for childcare. It presumably suits his purposes as much as yours that you work part-time.