I think wedding planning is ruining putting a dent in our relationship

[Fressia123]

I really don't know what to do anymore. The main issue is that we don't have a lot of friends to invite. My partner feels uncomfortable with inviting "fillers" I'm up for it as that's the only way I can see having a proper party with dancing and the like.

He's happy to just have our families But I don't want that. I'd be happy with just our mums and children but not our siblings, it would.still.not be a massive thing, but nobody knows each other and it's not simply what I want.

We're getting legally married in April this year, this is a blessing/religious ceremony that is supposed to happen sometime in 2022. I've already got the dress and we've got the rabbi, but I feel like cancelling as we can't genuinely agree and we're both uncomfortable with what the other one is comfortable with.

OP I understand you. I come from a culture where it's very common to invite lots of people to your wedding - neighbours, work colleagues etc. The party and dancing goes on until dawn (and beyond). English weddings are more reserved IME.

I think the most worrying thing is that you seem to be at an impasse and he's unable to see your point of view. How do you normally handle conflicts and differences of opinion? Does he stubbornly dig his heels in or are you both able to compromise?

The thing that strikes me in all this is that this is for a wedding in 2022. Between now and then you might make friends, become close to a new group, have a baby, loose your job, get a new job, who knows?

It is a long way away. I would decide on an approx number. Book the venue, and then leave the guest list for a year. In a year's time, things will look different.
But both of you have the right to invite people you want and both have the right to veto. So in that sense, it is a perfect example of putting your SO first, and thinking about their needs. Can I cope with his siblings, can I cope with her colleagues.

I guess it depends. Sometimes he ends up giving in, sometimes it's a compromise. For example he originally said he would have the registry office wedding without his DM, then Covid happened and then the rabbi agreed to our wedding so we thought it was a nice compromise. We're getting married in a few weeks if the restrictions allow it. He didn't want a dog, we got a dog and now he loves said dog!

Oh and I don't mind his siblings! It's just if it's a very intimate wedding I wouldn't want them there, just our mothers and our kids. But the more people he has on his side, the more alone I feel.