Several nights ago I was lying alone in bed because my husband had left for the spare room again because of my snoring. It's a sexless, intimacy free marriage. We get on ok usually but I miss being kissed properly and held tight and feeling wanted. He will give me a peck on the lips and occasionally rub my shoulders which is nice enough but there's zero passion or connection. It's my own fault, I knew he was autistic and I still married him.
Anyway as I lay there feeling alone I suddenly remembered someone that I met online 10 years ago. So long ago. He contacted me on a dating site several years before I met my husband (we met on a different dating site, long distance). This man was such a breath of fresh air compared to all of the other guys I spoke to who were really not great. We had lots in common including a very niche interest that he picked up on straight away. Added to that he was gorgeous, funny, creative and very clever (research scientist). We emailed for over a month, I felt quite intimidated by his intellect but he seemed interested in me, he was always fun, unique and enthusiastic and ramped up the flirting. I'd suggested meeting quite early on and he'd said he could be tempted. We kept up the chat, deep discussions on life and the universe, sensual flirting, joking and sharing stuff about our lives and interests. However I think I pressured him too much by asking again a month later (I had a holiday coming up and wanted to meet before that). He disappeared on me. I wish I'd not said anything now, just kept up the chat and waited to see what happened. I was quite upset at the time but apart from the odd reminiscing I hadn't thought of him that much until now. That first night I just lay there unable to sleep for thinking about him. I remembered the things he'd said and how much he'd turned me on. I wasn't very sexually experienced but I wanted him so very badly.
Anyway I can't stop thinking about him. I found a photo of him online and he's still as pretty as I remember. It's funny I was never able to find anything on him back when we were talking, don't think he's on FB or anything. But I found it tonight, a picture taken of him at a work event. I just stared at it for ages, sad bitch that I am. And maybe we wouldn't have even gotten on if we'd met but there it is, the big "what if", never to be known. And now I'm constantly thinking about him and fantasising. Longing for him when I have a husband here who can't give me what I need.
Just feeling miserable and nostalgic.
Anyone else had similar?