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Relationships

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Original poster

Online dating Marriages

16 replies

mumieone · 04/02/2021 00:09

So I know of a couple of people who have met their husbands on POF specifically.

Both the ladies in question were young, no kids and married men of the same status. One of the husbands went off sex soon after the moved in together and had a baby. Very unromantic and she is the chaser. The other the lady is the breadwinner and the guy moved in with her so he has to work a little harder perhaps.

All the women I know who are divorced with kids, have had nothing but hell and lying cheating men online 'myself included'... I could write a book about my online dating experience - it would make a great movie and would have to be classed as fiction (because no one would believe it).

Are there really successful happy loving non cheating relationships from online dating?

OP posts:

Sunflower1970 · 04/02/2021 07:59

I think your perception of online dating is a bit off. You could just as easily meet those men you are describing down the local pub! Online dating sites are full of normal people looking for a lasting, happy relationship. I know loads of people who have met online and found the love of their life.

Respectabitch · 04/02/2021 08:02

I met DH on an online message board. Not even dating.

Happily together 17 years. Married more than ten. I'm not "the chaser" and he's not a cocklodger.

Tons of marriages in the last ten years came about because of online dating. Maybe not all happy, but many.

MiniTheMinx · 04/02/2021 08:11

Are there really successful happy loving non cheating relationships from online dating?

You have answered your own question with

So I know of a couple of people who have met their husbands on POF specifically.

Unless their husbands are cheating. Your description of those relationships doesn't make them sound ideal. But your question seems to to suggest that relationships are happy and successful only in the absence of cheating.

I imagine online is only a reflection of real life. There are the good, the bad and the ugly.

A cocklodger can only exist to take the piss in the real world. A man who goes off sex hasn't done so because he met his wife on POF.

I think online just increases the number of people you interact with. So the number of good, bad and ugly increases proportionately.

mootymoo · 04/02/2021 08:19

Yep! Got one myself, we are middle aged. But I used a paid for site and app. £100 for 6 months means everyone is a bit serious. I did have plenty of dates and only one was (I think) a cheater aka married. Certainly could have chosen other directions but I fell hook, line and sinker for dp, we just clicked before we even met. Just bought a house together!

CautiousPractice · 04/02/2021 12:03

I met my FDH on POF. I was 22 (day before i turned 23) when we met, a little over a year out of an abusive relationship, he was 23.
He moved in to my flat after 6 months paying a proportionate half of rent/bills from day 1, as I earn slightly more, and only so quickly as I had a relapse of my long term illness and needed support to do things like cooking and cleaning. His moving in meant I didn't have to move back to my parents home. The only time I regretted it was when i fell in the toilet 4 nights in a row because he kept leaving the seat up. Other than that we've been very happy together.

We had a miscarriage in early 2020, which shook both of us to the core, but we worked through our pain together and separately through therapy and all the Lockdowns with me home working, and him on furlough has been great, because it allowed us to spend more time together and recover from our loss.

He proposed in November and we are planning an elopement type wedding for winter 2022, or our next pregnancy, which ever comes first.

CautiousPractice · 04/02/2021 12:03

Should add we have been together for 4 years.

Chimpfield · 04/02/2021 12:10

Met my husband on Match 10 years ago, married for 7 years. We both have adult autistic children so it hasn't been smooth riding. Best thing I ever did meeting him x

Original poster

mumieone · 04/02/2021 12:21

Its good to see that people who have children and have been married before then can get a relationship online that is going to work. My experience and events I've noticed where I live (in the south) show that only single childless people first time round have had a ring out of online (and even so I wouldn't say they were anywhere near fairy tale marriages) because the women were always either more financially successful or much much better looking than the men. They were the prize.

On the other hand divorced women with kids from before have either all just quit online or had such awful experiences of players on the internet (various sites) where the men claim they want a relationship but looking at the results it was always just for sex or whatever other reasons but definitely definitely not looking to settle with one women (maybe not just with a women with kids).

I personally wouldn't bother online anymore.

OP posts:

mindutopia · 04/02/2021 12:26

I suspect the issue is that if you are older and divorced and back in the dating pool, the men you are likely meeting are the losers that other women divorced, so it makes sense they probably aren't great.

I met lots of perfectly nice people online dating in my 20s. I didn't meet dh online (met in a bar the old fashioned way). But all the men I met online dating in my 20s who were perfectly nice are now happily married to equally nice partners. I think it's just that after a certain age, there is a higher proportion of people who tend to be not so great at relationships who are still single (or single again).

I do have family members who met partners online dating in their 50s. These men turned out to be losers. But that's probably why their first wives divorced them. But that doesn't mean it's going to be everyone. Obviously some men will be single because their wives turned out to be lying cheating twats. Or some just because they married the wrong person and it didn't work out. Again, I expect the good ones get snapped up quite quickly though.

ColdemortReturns · 04/02/2021 12:29

I'm nearly 40, divorced (no kids though). Overall I've had s great experience online (just on tinder). I've not met 'the one's yet, but had a few flings, good company and made 2 really good friends - one of which I'm currently support bubbling with.
I'm chatting to someone currently. Obvs cant meet up at the moment but he's smart, funny and good company. Only worry is I'm not sure if I'll find him attractive...
I much prefer online dating as you can filter out the nobheads you'd meet at the pub....

Sn0tnose · 04/02/2021 12:32

Yep.

I met three men from OLD. The first was my unsuccessful practice go at recognising and choosing to date a nice man. He was not a nice man at all and we went our separate ways. The second was a lovely man (we’re still close friends many years later) but wasn’t right for me, which I realised when he proposed. The third is now my husband of quite a few years and he’s bloody lovely. If he’s taking me for a ride then he’s either fundamentally misunderstood what he should be doing, or he’s playing the long game.

I don’t know anybody else who is still with people they’ve met on line though, so I accept I may have been lucky.

BibbityBobbety · 04/02/2021 13:27

I met my exH on the apps. He was my first and only online date at the time! I was only his second. We were both fed up dating people from work or within our social circle and wanted to see what else was out there. We were both single and childless at the time, and had a good run for 5 years. I only decided to get divorced as we went through a family tragedy at the end we never really recovered from, and the relationship was never the same. But he was a really good man man, and we were very equally matched on looks, finances and interests. He's met his now long term gf on Bumble and they seem quite happy together.

I had another relationship off the apps after that with someone I really liked, and we had a good relationship. But I was still not over my divorce and a bit too emotionally detached from him, so he rightly ended it. There was definitely no one else. By the time I figured out what I'd lost, he'd met someone else and is happy.

Met my now bf on the apps after a break from dating, and so far, so good.

I also used the apps in between relationships for casual hook ups. Was very upfront about what I wanted, so there was no drama. And except for 2 guys who were just very odd/didn't know what they wanted, the rest were nice, and good fun for that time in my life.

Was also invited to 2 Tinder weddings last year, know quite a few long term couples who met this way. Even the big wedding blogs like Rock My Wedding etc have App weddings featuring more.

But the ultimate proof is that the New York Times wedding section - which is known to very conservative with their choice of featured couples, and a fan of the meet-cute has had a few Tinder weddings published!

Sunshineandflipflops · 04/02/2021 13:32

I know few successful online dating marriages. Not PoF though (I tried that and deleted it within a day). I'm separated but have happily been with a man I met on Bumble for 18 months and he's not a cheater. My ex husband, on the other hand, who I didn't meet online...

Original poster

mumieone · 04/02/2021 16:13

Aww I liked all your remarks. Some of them were so funny!
BibbityBobbety ...who knew tinder had marriages of older people - hmmm.
Sn0tnose - wow. You know I have had the 'long game' played on me. Met 2012 and got what he wanted in 2019 (one night). That's the worst - never again!! Also met someone over 10 years ago who didn't get what they wanted but would still love to (for one night I expect and it's never going to ever happen while I'm concious).

OP posts:

Sparkles512 · 04/02/2021 16:17

I met my husband on Tinder.
We clicked from day one and have now been married for 3 and a half years and trying for our first baby.

I think you just have to be careful who you talk to and yes some people are only on there for one thing but some people do find Mr Right!

Anotheruser02 · 04/02/2021 16:23

For me I have higher standards now I have a child and a man is an 'extra' I would have overlooked most of the shit that I drop men off for now because I wanted a family and needed it to work with someone.

Raising a child alone makes me realise that I'm a whole person and only someone I'm excited to know will steel my single status.
It also dawned on me at about 35 that people don't change, the men I meet now are the finished product so if I don't like it I need to send it back it can't be customised. When I was younger I would believe what someone said about themselves even if what they were showing me is completely at odds with that.

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