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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Calling time on a relationship/ friendship

5 replies

OwningAllMyMistakes · 03/02/2021 22:00

My relationship ended last year,it ended under the strain of a long distance relationship travel & work and it ended down to me calling it I was having a very difficult week.
Moving on to December 20 and January 21,I laid down terms of reference how I wanted to not see her or have contact but every so often she will text me but this is only weekdays and not weekends nor will she call me to talk.
I have told her I don’t feel we are friends I don’t see us going to pub lunches or Cosmo meets and I’m not part of her social circle so why bother me.
Looking back the relationship wasn’t perfect but we complemented each other as we were both very active and travelled together and had very similar interests.
She very soon after us parting met someone and has moved in with her I always had suspicions there was another but felt I couldn’t ask or be justified in asking without then being called Controlling.
The truth is when someone who is an ex wants to remain friends but you want that time without feeling intruded upon would you remain friends or let it go to the past.
I still feel hurt that she met someone so soon and moved in but after nearly 2years together I lived out of bags.
We were both the same age and her new gf is 35 not that age has anything to do with it.

OP posts:
Eckhart · 03/02/2021 22:20

You've told us what's happened. What do you want from the thread? You haven't asked anything so it's hard to know what you're looking for in response.

CoopsMalloops · 03/02/2021 22:30

You should tell her again that you feel it’s too soon to have a friendship/contact because you need time to heal.

Sunflower1970 · 04/02/2021 07:34

To be honest you do sound quite controlling. You ended it but seem to be punishing her for meeting someone else and seem a bit bitter? If you really don’t want her ‘intruding’ tell her as kindly as possible as she obviously wants to be friends

OwningAllMyMistakes · 04/02/2021 20:59

Thanks everyone

OP posts:
candide47 · 04/02/2021 21:05

Sounds as though you want a clean break, that's fine. Just don't answer or respond when she makes contact, or block her. There is no law that says you have to make a friendship here. It's okay to let it go and for many, that's a really healthy decision that will enable all parties to move on.

In 5 years or so, you are unlikely to care that she moved on so quickly. I get that it might hurt now, all the more reason to cool all contact.

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