Did relate work?

[2015mommy]

Husband stuck his middle finger in my face and called me an F*ing c**t tonight. I’m very tired of being in a nasty environment but I have two little people who dote on their Dad. The thought of separating and all the upheaval makes me stop breathing but I’m feeling worn down. Did relate turn things around for anyone?

Not for me and my ExH but then it was an emotionally and financially abusive relationship.
It sounds like you may be in an abusive relationship too and the general consensus is that couples counselling is not a good idea when one partner is abusive. You would do better looking into individual counselling for yourself

IMO relate counsellors are a mixed bag, some I'm sure are very insightful and great at their job, whereas others are less so.

The woman we had was a lovely lady but not insightful at all and didn't see past what my ExH told her and misinterpreted a lot of what I told her. I found it very hard to explain my side in a way that she could understand and found it made me feel worse because I continued to feel unheard.
It was an ultimately frustrating, expensive and pointless endeavour for us.

My ExH had to be pushed into our counselling by me, he didn't want to go. I know now that it was because he was afraid of being rumbled for the twat he really was but the counselling made him feel even more bulletproof because he wasn't.

Mumsnet helped me see the abuse for what it was and I took individual private counselling with a psychologist when I left which I found much more helpful.

Counciling is not for abusive relationships.

Someone who is supposed to love you calling you a cunt, is abusive. And is not something you need to work through,its something you need to put in the bin. Then set the bin on fire. Then bury the ashes.

You cannot council respect into someone. They have it for you or they dont. He dowsnt respect you. Infact, he views you with contempt. Fucking run. Fast and far. And never look back.

And your kids can still love their dad without you living with him.

It worked for us but there was and is no abuse in our relationship. If the relate counsellor gets a whiff of abuse they'll separate you for the counselling. You have to fill in a form individually from which they will determine if it is a safe space for both of you.

Good luck

As @Wanderlusto said: counselling isn’t for relationships that have progressed to domestic abuse.

Once that line is crossed you can’t ignore it and hope to put that behaviour back in the box.

Relate didn’t work for me. Lovely lady but basically said: “he didn’t do it to YOU” he just did it. Advising me to remove myself from the hurt.

It didn’t work for me. Maybe I am a stubborn cow

No, waste of money. I’ve only known it to help relationships last a bit longer but ultimately all have eventually divorced.

No it didn't