How to tell the dc about divorce

[MotherForker]

They are 8 and 11, 8 year old has ASD. We've held off until we can sort out living arrangements, I'm staying in the house with dc (I bought him out) and he has bought a house. He will be completing on that in about 3 weeks.

Where do I start planning this (he's emotionally useless, so although he'll be there it will fall to me mostly to do the telling)

Are there any scripts (only half joking), tips? It will probably be this weekend.

No advice but bumping this up for you

Mine were similar ages. And we also waited until housing/child arrangements were agreed, so we could tell them what will happen.
I agonised over it for weeks and had lots of anxiety. Felt like I was crushing their world.

But the actual event went not like I was expecting. There wasn’t a flood of tears, etc.
We sat them down and calmly told them that we will be living separately. They they will stay in their home and will have another home too. They they will spend .... time here, and will spend ... with their dad.
They didn’t ask why as much as I expected. They seem to have been more interested in how it would practically affect them.

We had the conversation several weeks before the actual move happened, and that was a good thing. It wouldn’t have been good to do it just before and have their dad move out the next day. We all stayed out for a while - and we all have had time to adjust to the new reality that was coming. And they could see that their world, while changing, is not falling apart.

I think it all went this was because in our case - we didn’t have a happy close marriage for a long time, so they weren’t surprised.

We are now almost a year post that. They have adjusted a lot better than I feared.

I know how hard it must be. But it will be ok.

'Mum and dad both love you very much but we don't love eachother anymore. So we have decided to live apart. Dad has found a new home and I will stay here. So you are now going to have two homes! You can spend some time there and some here. It will be a little complicated at first but hey, on the brightside-you get to choose another bedroom! Of course it's a little sad but I like to think of it as a new adventure for us all, dont you think?'

My boys were 10 and 14 when we told them. We worked out the logistics first so we could reassure them about the practicalities.

We had a Sunday roast and then I said...

"Dad and I need to talk to you about something. We still love each other and we love you but we've realised that we're not very happy living together. We're going to live separately. We think that'll make us all happier. Dad will buy a place nearby and I'll stay here. You can spend time at dad's and time here. You can choose how often you go to dad's. That's your decision and we can work that out.

We're still a family and we'll still do stuff together as a family.

You boys absolutely get a say in how this affects you. If you want to call a family meeting so we can all talk about how you're feeling, you can do that. If you want to talk to me, you can. If you want to talk to dad, you can. You can talk to your grandparents or teachers if you want to."

DS1 asked if he could stay at mine whilst his brother was at his dad's. DS2 asked if we could get a puppy after dad moved out. (We did.) 😂

I think the words are less important than the way you deliver the message. No catastrophising. No drama. Just tell them and reassure them. Then listen.

Thanks. We're telling them today. Wish me luck.