Ex collecting bag today

[pinkpurpleyello]

I asked my boyfriend to leave at the weekend following another episode of moods
Initially just for the night! Wanted him to realise his moods are not ok!
But now he hasn't been in contact and has only messaged saying he's coming today to get the rest of his stuff and to leave outside!

After periods of ups and downs, promises of change which he actually does for a very long time little things keep happening where it's back to the old him

Because of lockdown he's been here
It's my flat but he's been here since august time

Been together 5yrs I have a 9yr old from previous marriage
He was lovely to start with, then I started seeing a moody, huffy puffy side which has been worse since he's been here permanently but almost starting to make sense

I took him back last time only because of him promising going to counselling
I even went with him for one but it was £70 a session, and far away and hard to fit in a working week so we stopped plus we seemed like we were getting on

My lo didn't really know what was going on and the next day asked why he wasn't here
But he was in a pretty bad mood for no reason and began sulking so rather than create an atmosphere which I felt he already had, I asked him to leave

But I had told him to leave because I couldn't stand his shortness, impatience with such little things!

My friends have said lockdown stress etc but the thing is it seems to be the way he always reverts back to it seems

He has steady work but it doesn't seem enough to him as he's also trying to build up a business with it consuming his mind which he doesn't seem to see

I'm all for someone wanting to make a decent career but at the detriment of getting stressed and short tempered and taking it out on me is exhausting

I've come to the reality that i don't think it's work I think it's him

All January I've had to put up with his awful moods and we have been TTC since we got back together 18m ago! Things seems good, Better and we're working at the issues which I thought was normal but last few months I have this niggly feeling I could end up pregnant or with a baby with a man who has no patience

So I've come to his decision and i guess I feel a bit silly putting pen to paper

Anyway my problem is he is coming to get the rest of his stuff today which I'm going to leave in a bag outside but the problem is we haven't spoken, he hasn't tried to talk to him which is great I don't want him to! But he has texted lo daily since saying stuff like how's you? How's school work? I'm sad I haven't seen you etc
She has texted back saying I miss you, etc and to be honest I've only let her because that's been the norm for her texting him etc

Shall I have a chat with her and properly tell her ? Also I do not want to get into an argument or even any conversation with him really to say leave lo out of it, don't text her and if he wants to talk then it comes though me?

I know he's not her dad but she sees him as a father figure as he's here all the time, apart from
His moods he actually really loves her and she loves him - they have a bond

I know people are going to say he doesn't love her or me if he can be moody
And I do agree
He isn't fit to be a father the way he acts to me sometimes so I know I can't be with this person it's how I know deal with this moving forward

Thanks for reading x

Tell your daughter that he’s your ex and block him on her phone so he can’t text her

I second the previous poster... get her phone and block him on it so he can't contact her.

Then be honest with her and say that he wasnt treating you all well with his poor moods and short tempers and as women shouldnt put up with poor treatment you asked him to leave.

Your ex bf was and remains emotionally abusive towards you. Am glad therefore that you asked him to leave. He should never be allowed back into your life. This is who he really is.

With regards to your DD I would concur with blocking him from being able to contact her. She in turn is being manipulated here by this individual and he is using her also to get back at you as her mother. Indeed be honest with her as MorbidPodcastFan wrote. Tell her and yourself for that matter that the only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is none.

I would suggest you look at the Freedom Programme which can be done online. Men like this can take some considerable time to recover from and your boundaries, already weakened perhaps, have been further mashed by this individual.

@MorbidPodcastFan

I second the previous poster... get her phone and block him on it so he can't contact her.

Then be honest with her and say that he wasnt treating you all well with his poor moods and short tempers and as women shouldnt put up with poor treatment you asked him to leave.

100% this. And we’ll fine for removing somebody from your life who isn’t making you happy

*well done

You need to talk to your DD ASAP! Let her know that you no longer being in a relationship with this man doesn’t stop either of you loving her. Your Ex doesn’t have PR and that is your leverage. Tell him if he tries to involve her in your break up you will cut his ass off.

I even went with him for one but it was £70 a session, and far away and hard to fit in a working week so we stopped plus we seemed like we were getting on

So, he can pretend to be a good partner when the alternative is having to make a journey and spend some money?

He's out of your life. Tell your DD that, and start moving on. Work out why your standards are low before you try to meet anybody else. It will be the best thing you can do, for yourself, and for your daughter. Start modelling high self esteem to her. Start today, or she'll end up trying to be happy in miserable relationships when she gets older.

Good that you’ve got rid of him
Not good that he is able to contact your 9 year old
Bloody great that you didn’t conceive a baby with him though.