What should I do

[Daisiesandconfused]

Hi

Me and my partner might be splitting up. Long story, but I have no idea what will happen or when really. I have no rights to be here.

Anyway. My issue is this. For the last 2 years I have looked after our kids (9 and 11) School runs, homework, cooking, cleaning. I cook for his step kids too who are always here-20 and 21

Whilst also trying to work because he was doing an intense 2year course to further his career. I wanted to be supportive, benefits us both. Even weekends he wasn't really around.

That's all finished and now he is away for 4 days a week. I'm not earning due to Covid so again doing all the house stuff and homeschooling. I don't see a penny if the money he earns, but he does pay for rent, bills and food.

My issue is why should I do this apart from the fact that my kids are looked after, when I am just waiting to be possibly kicked out with nothing as I'm not entitled to anything.

I would say that half of the stuff in the house is mine but I'll end up with nothing. Can't really prove who bought it but the fact is if he did by the sofa for example, I might have spent the money he paid for the sofa on meals out or taking the kids to the cinema if you get what I mean.

So. What would you do?

I was trying to work while he was doing the 2 year full time course.

Why do you think you'll be splitting up? I think you need to phone a solicitor to see what rights you have and go from there. Sorry you're in this situation.

We've had major issues lately and he's mentioned about having me removed. I am on the tenancy but because he has 2 additional children, one with special needs, I would be the one to have to go.

I'm refusing to leave at the moment because I want to be with my kids. If I did leave right now he probably couldn't actually work away for 4 days (where the money is really good)

Having you removed? Can you explain when you say you have no rights to be here?
I'm sorry you're in this situation, it sounds like you've both got a lot of pressure on you.
I know you say you don't see a penny of the money he earns, but if he pays the rent and bills and food etc, what more would you like him to provide?

Basically it feels like this...

I might kick you out in a couple of months but in the mean time, I expect you to cook, clean, laundry, homeschool and cook for our kids and your step children and deal with any issues they bring (there are step issues, believe me) whilst I work away for 4 days a week.

You won't get a penny from me at the end of all this and I'll probably be keeping most of the furniture.

@Icanflyhigh I don't really expect anything. My issue is at this current stage I am holding the fort and waiting for the RL to possibly come to an end in x days or months. I have little money or anywhere to go.

Then I would honestly start getting my ducks in a row and leave him high if that's his attitude. Take away from the house what you purchased, take the children's things and your personal belongings and leave.
I know you say you have no money and nowhere to go, but there are places that will help you today - coronavirus doesn't stop these places operating.
At 20 and 21 the step children are adults and can fend for themselves.
You don't have to stay in this situation if you are not happy or if you feel you are being controlled or abused.
Can you contact women's aid and ask them for advice/support today?
When is he next due home?

Please talk to Shelter. If you are on the tenancy you certainly do have rights and he can't remove you

Unfortunately as you're not married, any money you've put in is gone. So you may as well just write it off mentally.

As joint tenants, it's not as simple as he can just decide to take you off the tenancy (but obviously if you're splitting someone will need to leave eventually). I think you'd have to agree to having your name removed in most cases. But speak to Shelter about your housing rights.

If you're social housing tenants, speak to your housing officer as well, they will be able to discuss your options.

I'm doubtful his 2 adult children give him more of a claim on the property than you.

Personally I wouldn't hang about with his threat hanging over you, skivvying for him. I'd get all the information about my options and make the decision myself.

This is incredibly abusive of your husband. If you contact woman's aid or women's refuge they will be able to help you. They were fantastic with the help and support they gave a colleague.

They helped her with getting local authority housing and counselling.

Just because he says you won't get a penny doesn't make it true. Cars, furniture and savings are marital assets and should be split.

I don't think you should wait for him to remove you. You need to be proactive for your own welfare.

What a horrible situation. I would phone 1. A solicitor to get advice re your rights and 2. Phone Shelter to see what they can offer you. I wouldn't say he's not decided when he's asking you to leave, just that he has said he wants you gone and you have no money and nowhere to go (with your children). Dont utter a word about your plans to him, he deserves no pre-warning.

@noideabutstilltrying @category12

Thanks for the advice. Why is this abusive?

I am the one refusing to leave until I have to. I want to get over this and I don't want my kids to go through a separation which won't be good for them.

I don't like having this carrot dangling over me, but I can tell him to get a job locally. Reason I am doing this is because the money he earns is good which means the kids are taken care of and certain things can still be paid for e.g private schooling. If it wasn't for that I'd tell him that I'm not doing this and he needs to be here. I'm not sure he'd get the same money locally.

I second getting housing advice . Are you renting privately or through a housing association?

@MaMaD1990 It is. I want to resolve things. I've been no angel but the breakdown of the relationship is not entirely my fault.

I am struggling with the thought of us not being a family unit and having the kids 50:50.

Literally my business has gone down the pan and I am left with nothing having supported him for nearly 3 years so he can have everything now that he is qualified.

@MajorMujer Going to get in touch with Shelter today.

The point is he can't just chuck you out if you're on the tenancy, anyway.

Plus you are primary carer for two school age children, so you have a high housing need.

Just contacted Shelter and need to look more things up. Thanks

How long have you been together?
Are you married?
If not, why?

10 years together and not married. I've never really wanted to, didn't see the point. We talked about it and it fizzled out.Cost and things.

When you say you have no rights to be here, do you mean in the UK? I don't think you can be forced to leave if your children are UK nationals.

If you didn't mean that, then you can't just be thrown out of your tenancy, but your hopefully-soon-to-be-ex dickhead can give notice on the tenancy which would effectively leave you homeless. It's a risky move though as the landlord could decide he'd have to go as well.

Do you think he'd actually want 50/50? He sounds quite disengaged with family life.

I hope Shelter were helpful.

I am learning on here that marriage is something which protects you, if you should split.

He only has to pay child support, you can of course negotiate for items in the house.

Do you have any saving, you could use to get another place, if you wanted to move out?

I would stop doing anything for his children, the older ones.

Do you think he has someone else when he is away?