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Original poster

Feel alone

29 replies

Vickyjane88 · 02/02/2021 23:56

Hi all,
My partner stays up all night to play games/listens to music, he doesn't come to bed untill about 7/8 o'clock in the morning when I'm about to get u. I just want to be able to cuddle him and fall to sleep with me in his arms, tonight he said he might be in bed early, I said good I'll be able to cuddle you then he turned around and said you can't tell me what to do which I didn't tell him what to do.
I don't know what to do anymore just fell so alone.

OP posts:
LouiseTrees · 03/02/2021 00:05

He sounds a catch (not). What would happen if you went down and said to watch a film together or something? Also doesn’t he work?

Original poster
Vickyjane88 · 03/02/2021 00:08

We do watch things together most nights and he's not working at the moment due to covid.

OP posts:
Teapotsandtablecloths · 03/02/2021 00:35

My ex was like this, eventually it ended up that he would choose gaming over socialising or going for days out etc and ultimately was the reason i decided to end our relationship. (He chose to enter an 8hr race on his game on my birthday) i know his current partner and he is still the same now even after me, his parents and her saying it's getting too much. People don't change unless they want to, its up to you to decide if your willing to put up with it x

Original poster
Vickyjane88 · 03/02/2021 08:09

If we was allowed out he would join me in whatever I was doing instead of gaming. Just want him in bed on a night even if it is for a few hours.

OP posts:
Original poster
Vickyjane88 · 03/02/2021 20:24

Yet again he's asleep now on the sofa, he'll wake up in about 3 to 4 hours and stay up all night.

OP posts:
Unanananana · 03/02/2021 20:26

He sounds like an utter bore. Does he have a job?

What is your housing situation?

Original poster
Vickyjane88 · 03/02/2021 20:48

@Unanananana

He sounds like an utter bore. Does he have a job?

What is your housing situation?

No job at moment due to covid.

We're currently in a one bedroom flat at the moment. Which is not ideal.

OP posts:
Eckhart · 03/02/2021 21:09

What's he like other than this? Does he often accuse you of controlling him, or of anything else? Is he nice to you? Does he respect your feelings?

MondayYogurt · 03/02/2021 21:10

No job? Who is paying the bills?

Chiccie · 03/02/2021 21:15

This sounds like crap. What are you getting out of this relationship

HexWitch · 03/02/2021 21:20

Exh did this. If I even brought it up that I'd love us to have an earlyish night together once in a while he accused me of telling him what to do/controlling him. It's not a great situation OP, just wondering what you get from this relationship?

Unanananana · 03/02/2021 21:36

Let me guess...he isn't pulling his weight with housework either? Are you working?

Sounds like you need to bin the cocklodger. He clearly is bringing nothing to your life.

Original poster
Vickyjane88 · 04/02/2021 07:07

@Eckhart

What's he like other than this? Does he often accuse you of controlling him, or of anything else? Is he nice to you? Does he respect your feelings?
No he doesn't control me, other than this he's great.
OP posts:
JaimeLeeCurtains · 04/02/2021 07:21

God he sounds boring.

Spring2021 · 04/02/2021 07:26

The last year has affected us all differently.
But he sounds totally selfish, thoughtless, maybe a bit unhinged and not adding any value to your life. Did you correct him when he made the comment about you not being able to tell him what to do?
Also could he maybe have a hearing problem and has misheard you or is he depressed or has he always been selfish, thoughtless and unhinged? I think I would cut my losses unless he has some major redeeming features you haven’t mentioned and has had a major bereavement or other very traumatic event recently.

Eckhart · 04/02/2021 07:57

So you feel alone because you have a great relationship with him, and he just doesn't cuddle you at night?

Original poster
Vickyjane88 · 04/02/2021 08:00

@Spring2021

The last year has affected us all differently. But he sounds totally selfish, thoughtless, maybe a bit unhinged and not adding any value to your life. Did you correct him when he made the comment about you not being able to tell him what to do? Also could he maybe have a hearing problem and has misheard you or is he depressed or has he always been selfish, thoughtless and unhinged? I think I would cut my losses unless he has some major redeeming features you haven’t mentioned and has had a major bereavement or other very traumatic event recently.
Yeah I corrected him. He says it's because it's quiet on a night that's why he stays up for some time on his own.
OP posts:
Original poster
Vickyjane88 · 04/02/2021 08:36

@Eckhart

So you feel alone because you have a great relationship with him, and he just doesn't cuddle you at night?
Basically yeah because during day we don't spend anytime together and on a night it's like 2 to 3 hours max.
OP posts:
Original poster
Vickyjane88 · 04/02/2021 08:38

He's got ADHD but I don't think that's an excuse.

OP posts:
Unanananana · 04/02/2021 08:45

I hope he isn't disturbing the neighbours with his all night music/gaming.

The ADHD isn't an excuse to ignore you. Are you young OP? You don't need to put up with this. Life is too short.

Original poster
Vickyjane88 · 04/02/2021 08:59

He doesn't disturb the neighbours, he has his head phones on. Nope I'm in my early 30s.

OP posts:
emily372 · 04/02/2021 09:10

So his sleep pattern is all over the place since covid and having no routine.
He's acting like a man child and being selfish. He needs to remember he's in a relationship, it's not his bachelor pad. Relationships are about compromise, you need to sit him down and communicate what you would like. Don't 'tell' him what he should do but explain what you would 'really appreciate" then he won't feel attacked. Let him have his selfish man cave time but he should really be spending a few nights a week in bed with you, if that's what you really want. I hope he snaps out of it and listens to you

Original poster
Vickyjane88 · 04/02/2021 09:28

I talked to him this morning about it, he didn't really say much.

OP posts:
Eckhart · 04/02/2021 10:24

Basically yeah because during day we don't spend anytime together and on a night it's like 2 to 3 hours max

So why are you saying he's great? He's not giving you the attention and affection you need. He's choosing to spend time playing computer games over time with you. You're upset about it and he dismisses you. If he was great you'd be happy in your relationship. If he simply didn't cuddle you in the evenings but satisfied you in all other ways, you wouldn't feel lonely.

He is dismissing your feelings, but so are you. You need to take responsibility, state your needs and your boundaries, and recognise that if you don't get a good response, you need to leave the relationship. It's not his job to make you happy. It's your job to make sure you're with someone who makes you happy.

Nicolastuffedone · 04/02/2021 13:06

So you don’t spend time together during the day and he stays up all night gaming? At which point in the day is he ‘great?’

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