Please give me a talking to....

[littleminkymink]

I found out recently that my partner was stringing along an old flame when he and I first got together. I was so upset with this.

He said it was because they worked together and he didn't want to hurt her by ending it abruptly and so he did it slowly.

We had already moved in together by the point he was still fizzling it out.

I went mad! I lost my trust. I read the messages between them both. She called me a basic bitch numerous times; he ignored it and never defended me. This was when he told her he had met me etc.

But it still didn't end between them! When we went to get our dog; he told her it was HIS dog. When she had tried to call 'I'm in the car with my gf can't talk' when it was her birthday in October he called her to wish her a happy birthday.

When I found out about all this I just lost it with him. Although he had not physically cheated on me I thought what he had done was so nasty.

Anyway I made him delete her off social media; but for work reasons he 'HAD' to be in a WhatsApp group which she was also in. I agreed to that only but he were not to talk to her 1-1.

He said it made things difficult as others started to find out and were awkward with him etc but I said I didn't care and that he should never have done it.

Everything has been okay since. But I have noticed that on his joint social media accounts he has- some are following her still. So his management Instagram which he has with his partner- still following her.

Should I just ignore this? Or tell him I don't want any of his social media platforms to be seeing her.

I've probably drip fed this but that is my main point; should I make him delete her from work instagrams etc or if I want this to not be a thing shall I just drop it?

I think the relationship is dead in the water because you don't trust him. Trouble with these scenarios is where you are trying to regain trust with him but managing who he can/cannot talk to, it comes across as controlling and quite honestly, miserable for the both of you. He's been a shit, should've got a back bone to shut his ex down, but he didn't. You shouldn't really have to intervene here - I'd be saying goodbye to him. It doesn't seem like he has much respect for you.

It sounds like you should end things with him, you can’t be the phone or the social media police forever

If you don’t trust him then end it

@MaMaD1990 100% but I did forget to mention that I am pregnant. So it just makes it ten times harder. It wasn't planned and I fell pregnant on the mini pill!

You are right; it comes across controlling. I trust him with everyone else completely but not with her.

There's going to be times where in the future they probably will be in the same places etc.

I've got a lot of thinking to do

I've just spoken to him about it and he's apologised about how he went about it all and that he was a coward. He's said I'm the one for him and he doesn't want us to not work because of a stupid mistake he made.

He said he'd never put himself in a situation where he'd be in close proximity to her and they his business partner deals with her and has done since all this has happened.

@littleminkymink ah, that makes things quite a bit more compliacted. Firstly, congratulations on your pregnancy, that is very exciting news! Do you feel better for speaking to him about it all? It sounds like he has taken responsibility for behaving that way, which is good. I suppose if its just her you're not happy with him having contact with (understandably) and he is also happy to just keep contact with her on a professional level and if he absolutely had to, it sheds a better light on it all.

@MaMaD1990 I do feel better for talking to him about it. I've learnt not to bottle things up. Thank you, we are both shocked but happy and he's very supportive.

I guess I need to learn now how to love forward xx

Move*

If that’s good enough for you then hope it works out