Online Dating.... what to think ?

[Confusedandfeelingabitstupid]

Ive been talking to someone since mid December. It progressed quite quickly and as (for work reasons) we are both COVID tested twice a week (please no judgement here) we met up early Jan at his house and things have heated up very quickly. He became very intense and smitten quite quickly. He told me all about his past, warts and all, and advised me that he didnt want to see anyone else and told me he would tell the others he was chatting to accordingly. Of course, I then did the same. He was in a casual relationship at the time (now I dunno how casual with hindsight she may have thought it was, as she was posting 2 - 3 trips etc that she would like to do together with him on his FB page and he wasnt commenting on them yet liking them). He tells me he has told his mum about me, he sends me long gushy texts throughout the day, he tells me he is falling for me, compliments me all the time, sends flowers, makes a LOT of effort preparing surprises for me the 4 - 5 times we have seen each other, we spent the whole of last weekend together and he is just so lovely to me and we had a lot of laughs and real conversations too.... all of this has been like honey to my soul as I have just separated from a husband who had real difficulty showing any kind of emotion or kindness towards me. So he has organised that I come to his later this week *(he picks me up so I dont have to drive the 45 mins to his house) and he will spoil me, he has also organised lots for valentines day. I am truely smitten too and have told him as such. Now here comes the inevitable... I was up all night last night with a suspected tummy bug.... it was late and I had my phone and couldnt sleep, soooo, I look at the lady he was previously casually seeing. He told he made it very clear to her when she called him (apparently he just stopped getting in touch with her) that he wouldnt see her again, her request to stay in touch was also turned down as he said he didnt want to sleep with her again. Of course he has been liking her profile pictures on Facebook.. all liked after he told me that he had made it clear that "they" would be no more. If I were her, after what he told me had said, Id be really confused. Is he holding her on a low simmer whilst seeing how things progress with us ? As its early days, do I just overlook this ? Am I overthinking things ?? Please help with some kind or otherwise advice...

Re your comment:-

" all of this has been like honey to my soul as I have just separated from a husband who had real difficulty showing any kind of emotion or kindness towards me."

You are still very vulnerable emotionally and thus potentially very attractive for a controlling man to get his claws into. This man has love bombed you really.

How long have you actually been separated; if it was just a matter of months or even a year it was likely far too early to start dating again. You need time and space to heal properly from your previous relationship and you have not given yourself enough time. Your boundaries, already messed with by your ex, are perhaps being further eroded by this man now.

I would be really careful here and I would dial back on all this entirely. Start saying no to him and see how he reacts; you do not really need collecting from your home. You met him initially face to face a mere 4 weeks ago. Its moving fast here and he seems to be the instigator behind that. The quick attachment, relationship life story telling and love bombing are some of many behaviours controlling men do against their chosen target.

Please be careful and do not overlook anything. He may want to keep this other lady dangling on a string.

Thank You @AttilaTheMeerkat - I initially just went on Tinder for the validation - a few little flirts and coversation - I was not expecting to "find someone". Apart from the love bombing I was really happy until seeing, what you also view, as him dangling this woman on a string - especially as it was him that wanted to make sure I was aware that he wasnt seeing anyone else! I also think its unfair on her, but then am I reading too much into him liking her pics on facebook ? Like you say, we have only known each other 4 weeks .. Ive gone awol on whatsapp until I know what to do.

The fact that you went onto Tinder because you felt you needed validation says it all. Anybody who said nice stuff to you would have seemed like a winner to you.

Don't date when you need validation. Date yourself. Love bomb yourself. Keep doing that until you don't need validation from anybody else. Then start looking into dating others.

Your self invalidation shows here:

As its early days, do I just overlook this ? Am I overthinking things

Why would you overlook your feelings? Why would you overlook your thoughts? It's not about whether you're right or wrong, it's about the fact that your alarm bells are ringing. Listening to your own alarm bells, respecting your own alarm bells, IS self validation. Respect and respond respectfully to what you feel. Once you get used to doing this, you won't need validation from anybody else. Your inner voice will say 'I don't like the way this guy is behaving. It's very different from what I would do in his shoes, and it makes me feel confused, so, I'm going to walk away. I deserve better than a relationship with someone who confuses me, especially with regard to his behaviour towards other women.'

Is that voice inside you already saying that? But very quietly, and you're trying not to hear it? I suspect it is. That's the real you. That's the you that posted your OP, in a place where you feel safe to admit your real feelings. Turn up the volume on that. Hear, and hear loudly, the fact that you've seen a man who has made a good first impression, but that you have questions about right at the start of the relationship. To the extent that you're feeling the need to post on a forum about it. Make it LOUD.