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Relationships

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Original poster

Ex won't have kids anymore ,what would you do?

45 replies

slingoo · 01/02/2021 20:22

My ex is a waste of space.
We have 2 kids 4 and 7.
I'm work in a nursing home as a care assistant.
Now ex has a 1 year old with new partner.
Today he text me
"I'm sorry I can't have the girls over,it's not safe,you work in care and I'm not risking my sons health"
So is he planning on never seeing his kids again?
What would you say back to this ?

OP posts:

MessAllOver · 01/02/2021 21:10

It doesn't sound like his absence will be a great loss to the children. They may be happier not to have him bobbing in and out disrupting their lives.

rainbowlou · 01/02/2021 21:13

As much as it’s tempting to message back I’d iignore and keep a copy of the message.
He sounds so awful your children are probably better off without him.
My ex nipped in and out of my dd’s life for ages and caused so much upset, luckily as she got older she realised herself what a waste of space he was.
Her life is much happier without him in it.

excelledyourself · 01/02/2021 21:14

But he'll risk your kids mental health?

Don't reply. Allow yourself to see just how much of a loser he really is.

Beforethetakingoftoastandtea · 01/02/2021 21:19

Have you out a claim in with the cms? If not, do it.

HereIAmOnceAgain · 01/02/2021 21:24

@NovemberR

I'd reply with a thumbs up sign and not contact him again.

Honestly...speaking as someone with a knob of an ex I'd rather he'd been out my kids lives at this age rather than dicking them about and constantly letting them down like he did.

Pursue him for child maintenance - don't push for contact. That is up to him to sort.

You'll be better off without a tosser who clearly doesn't value his kids the way he should.

As a kid who was in this situation at this age, I agree really strongly with this. The on again off again contact caused a lot of anxiety and pain. The parent involved went NC after 10 years of sporadic contact. It caused a lot of harm to us, never knowing if or when they would even call let alone see them fact to face.

converseandjeans · 01/02/2021 21:28

He sounds useless. I don't know if they might be better off without him? It's good you work so they have a good role model - he doesn't sound like a great catch!

Do you have other support available?

Hammonds · 01/02/2021 21:35

What a disgusting bastard.

OP you MUST still go for child support. He still has to pay if he is on benefits.

It must be heartbreaking for you knowing he is doing this to your kids. What an utter cunt.

They are probably better off with out him

cheninblanc · 01/02/2021 21:45

I've had this message 3 times over the years. I always tried to get him back on side, begged him to see them even. Last time he emailed I ignored him, I've never responded and he hasn't seen them in 18 months now, totally his choice. I wish I'd ignored him sooner and not degraded myself to begging him to see them. My daughters are teenagers and were copied into the email to say they weren't too go his house again as they were too like me and a few choice names. I believe they call him weekly but after that last email I don't get involved, I do listen when the girls want to talk about him but they know he doesn't want any input now. My advice, ignore it and keep the message

Chloemol · 01/02/2021 21:57

I would

Ignore it, but keep the email, hes not been prepared to look after the kids when he doesn’t work, and now doesn’t want to see them
Lodge a CMS claim immediately

MaxThePasta · 01/02/2021 21:58

@Wanderlusto

'Not acceptable. They are your children too and that dies not change because of a new partner and child. They will be dropped off and picked up as per usual agreement. Or you can pay for the daycare on dats you normally have them'

You have to work. He doesnt get to say no ans put your income at risk if he is sitting about on his ass all day with nothing else to do.

Whilst it's really shit and I agree he shouldn't get to say no... I'm not sure posts like this are that helpful because the fact is, he can say no.

He cannot be forced to have his children as shitty as that makes him

YoniAndGuy · 01/02/2021 22:53

Honestly, it's a blessing. They are young enough to adapt.

A piece of shit dad like this is worse than no dad.

I wouldn't even reply. Listen to the people on here who went through this as kids - the replies are clear. Let the trash take itself out.

If he's on benefits, make a CMS claim. It may seem like nothing, but it's a few grand over the course of their childhoods even if it is only £7 a week.

But just don't even answer him. One doesn't speak to pond life.

Lucky woman who's got him for the father of her poor son eh!

GentlemanJay · 01/02/2021 23:12

He's not saying he's not having them again. He's saying due to Covid he's concerned about seeing them. I've been seeing my children as normal through all this but some people are more pedantic than me.

HighSpecWhistle · 01/02/2021 23:30

[quote slingoo]@Akire he says the jab doesn't stop you catching it,so I might still catch it and pass it on[/quote]
That is correct. You can still transmit it.

He clearly is talking about Covid, not forever.

Can they meet up outside instead? Park trips etc?

Akire · 01/02/2021 23:51

They are still waiting on the result it could well be the jab does stop you transmitting. But they can’t say yet for sure

Star81 · 02/02/2021 00:19

Why is he doing this now , 11 months into a pandemic ?

Ignore him. Your children are better off with you.

TrappedAndDepressed · 02/02/2021 00:24

Make sure he pays extra for the days he's no longer having them - don't let him off on the money - he won't have them and he will try not to pay for them either of it's split custody

ineedaholidaynow · 02/02/2021 00:30

As someone who doesn’t work and hasn’t since he was 21 and doesn’t pay any maintenance and has just had a new baby who he obviously is expecting the taxpayer to fund, I don’t think he sounds like Dad of the Year so I assume he is using COVID as a very handy excuse.

timeisnotaline · 02/02/2021 00:38

This is definitely ignore territory, sounds like they are better off without him. Make a cms claim though. Even if it’s £7 a week, that’s a treat you can buy them because their dad is contributing. Save it and have a monthly outing- icecreams one month, a movie the next. Ignore any communications from him regarding it.

Tavannach · 02/02/2021 00:55

How disappointing is this for your children? If they're gutted I'd ask him to talk to them on the Saturdays. If it dwindles away that might be for the best.
CMS for maintenance - it will be a nominal amount I think, maybe something like £5 a week, but you could put it in a savings account for extras at birthdays and Christmas or buy them some Premium bonds.

Neenan · 02/02/2021 07:03

@slingoo

Nope he has no illness neither does she or his new child. He finds any excuse not to see them. He doesn't pay maintenance. He's never had a job since he was 21 (he is now 40)

In that case, I would not reply and cut off all ties. There is no benefit to anyone in continuing this. What am absolute piece of scum.

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