Partner never talks on phone for long

[emily372]

We've been together a year and I noticed that he never really speaks on the phone for a long time. We don't really text, it's more frequent phone calls throughout the day but he only ever likes to speak for a few minutes, even on FaceTime. He's like this with everyone else, his mum, friends. He always keeps it short and sweet when I want a long convo ! Anyone else have this?

Well, he obviously doesn't enjoy talking on the phone. Do you say, "oh I'd like to talk to you about [x], don't hang up yet?" or are you expecting him to lead the conversation? What happens if you do try to continue?

If I continue the phone call for longer than normal which is around 5/10 minutes, he does listen and engage back but as soon as I'm done, he's done and will say 'well I'll let you go, I'm going to do XYZ and I'll speak to you soon.
When he's on the phone to his Mum, he's awkwardly trying to get off the phone.
He jokes and says he'd rather be born in the olden days when there were no mobiles, he'd rather have a £10 phone so he doesn't have to engage in phone calls or texts.
How is that normal at aged 31?
When we're together, he doesn't shut up and is the life and soul of the party, I just expected the same over the phone

A lot of men are like this. I normally talk to my mum, my best friend, for an hour plus. Dh phones all his brothers and sisters for 10 minutes or so.

Of course it's normal!i don't like the phone either. I can't understand people who phone for a chat. My best friend is the same. We phone to arrange meeting and the conversation lasts a minute. We share a mother in law and she despairs. She loves to chat and finds us hard work.

I hate taking on the phone. I've been with DH for 12 years. We've probably spoken on the phone less than 5 times.

I don't think it's a man thing, particularly, but just some people don't enjoy talking on the phone.

That you think it's not "normal" is kind of odd to me.

I mean it's up to you if you think it's a problem, but it's certainly within a range of normal. He's polite and interested if you continue the conversation, he just doesn't want to yatter on himself if it's a phone call.

I hate talking on the phone too - seems normal to me!

Try fewer calls for a purpose , I am old and don't understand the need to communicate with my partner all day long. Just catch up in the evening.

And 5/10 minutes seems like a long time to me.

I'm the same. And multiple calls a day would drive me completely round the twist.

I'm like this, I don't even have a mobile. Binned it in December!

Sleepingdogs

I do see what you mean. The frequent phone calls don't have purpose. They're generally quick call to say Good morning & Goodnight, ask how I am, how my day is going, how he's looking forward to seeing me again etc. There's never any random topics or subjects he wants to discuss over the phone. He prefers doing it all face to face.

Oh so he is phoning you to see how you are but then has no.more to say. That's either nice he is thinking of you and a quick hello is ok if you both are happy with this. Or he is keeping you on your toes wanting frequent contact for no real reason which I would find annoying and intrusive. Try getting in there first with a quick text to say hello or don't answer everytime. Are you feeling it is controlling OP?

How is that normal at aged 31?

How is it NOT normal?

I'm also chatty and sociable in IRL but the phone is just functional for me, I prefer not to spend more than 5 minutes talking on it. Phone up, check in or get the info, job done. I actually find it strangely tiring having to keep up a conversation without visual/facial cues. Can't stand people who just phone up for an aimless natter and expect to talk for 20 minutes! For the same reason I much prefer video calling over phone calling - which I feel is rather obsolete in 2021.

I hate phone calls.

That sounds so annoying, multiple phonecalls throughout the day. Just message instead...

5/10 minutes is ages. And I'm another one for whom multiple calls a day would be painful.

I don't know why anyone would think it's a man thing. It's just a 'many people' thing.

I detest talking on the phone, I'd rather talk to someone face to face or do a short text.
Not everyone enjoys chewing the fat on the phone all day.

Frequent 5/10 minute calls during the day sounds like loads of contact!

I'm with your DP - if I want to have a "proper" conversation with someone I would wait to have it face to face, unless I wasn't seeing them for ages (presumably not the case with you?)

If he has spoken to you multiple times in the day, what else is there to say? A long conversation when there is a point to it is fine, but just chatting for the sake of chatting is what my nan used to do.

I hate long phone calls and even worse long video calls! So boring. Would rather save it up and have a good talk when we are together. Also sounds like he has good manners - it's horribly rude to go off for ages on the phone when you're with company. I hate it when people try to stay out the conversation when I'm with others! I find it so awkward.

*drag out the conversation, not stay out!