I have trapped myself by not being decisive haven't I

[LucyLovesCheese]

Longish story short, I want to end my marriage. I have to be vague as my husband has hacked my account before. Been together a long time teenage children together. Briefly resentment and past behaviours have eroded any love or respect I had for my husband ( sulking, moodiness, refusing to work or see a councillor).
I have had enough finally decided to end things and now one of my children is suffering with mental health problems.
My husband knows how unhappy I am\have been but also knows how much I adore my children and would never do anything to hurt them.
My suspicions side thinks he had guessed I was about to pull the plug and since our child's problems have come to light he seems to have brightened up knowing I won't do anything to upset our child now.
I should of ended things months ago but didn't as I was scared now I'm stuck aren't i? Not sure what I'm asking really - a hand hold I suppose. I've been a coward and a fool.

You can still get the ball rolling to prepare for divorce. See a solicitor and start the process. I would also be wondering how the dynamic of your household is affecting your child. Your children are well aware how unhappy you are.

Tbh the child mental health is more of a reason to leave not stay. Better they have one happy parent than two miserable ones.

You need a safe, abuse free environment. Your child deserves to see its mother safe and free from control. So that they will grow up knowing abuse is not ok and should not be tolerated.

Yes their mental health might make leaving more difficult. But really it's not a reason to stay. Do you think its just something you are using as an excuse to stay? Think abour when the child is grown, they would be crushed to think you stayed with an abuser for 'their sake'.

You can use his overconfidence in your entrapment to your advantage. Get out asap without him expecting it.

Handhold from me. I understand how you feel [thank]

I like cheese too

I imagine your child’s issues will actually be better without living with parents who dislike and resent each other. Your dh sounds horrible. All the more reason to leave, IMO. Get your poor child away from him.

Do you mean refusing to work on your relationship or refusing to earn money. Either way it's best to leave. Hacking into your account is very controlling.

Bless you. You are neither a coward nor a fool. You are just doing the best you are in shitty circumstances, which is all any of us can ever do. Xxx

Thank you for your messages it's what I needed to hear really.
Wanderlusto I don't think I am using my child's mental health to stay I felt perhaps wrongly that how they are now is not the time for big change in their life- now I'm not so sure. When we've had talks about our relationship before the kids always come up as in it will be horrible for them if we separate so I think i f/when it gets brought up again I need to feel strong in my mind that it's for the best not just for me.

It's always for the est for the children not to see their mother abused. Always. Dont think they dont know how you are being treated because they do. And seeing you stat is reinforcing the idea that it's ok for to ppl to treat others like that. If you want them.to have happy, functional relationships when they grow up then leas by example and tolerate nothing less than this for yourself.

If they have to go without something because you split with him, that is unfortunate. But still worth it. You aren't giving up a happy home or walking away from a family by leaving him. You are leaving your abuser for freedom.