Advice

[Ac198]

Hi

I am a 35 yo male. Been with my female partner for about 10 years. No kids. Both work. We have a nice house.

We have sex maybe 2 times a week. But its boring. I can tell my girlfriend is not enjoying it and doing it as a favour to me which I have.

We do the same position and she wants it over ASAP.

I have a strong sex drive and lots of sexual fantasies. For instance I would like her to give me oral sex and then kiss me, I would like to have sex on the sofa and around the house. Maybe dress up or wear sexy underwear.

We have regimental boring sex. I would do anything sexual for her, so I'm not selfish in that respect. But she does not want me to touch her that way. If I rub her she says she doesn't like the feeling. She is happy to cuddle.

Am I expecting to much? Is this how life is? I feel totally unsatisfied everyday. I have previous partners where sex was great and we both had freedom to express ourselves.

We argue a fair bit about various things. For me it boils down to serial frustration. But I can barely mention it to her. She says I'm lucky to have sex 2 or 3 times a week. But its over too quick. No foreplay and no after play.

If I could walk out and not have a messy split with the mortgage and be set up in a new home I would.

But our friendship, lovely home, fear of being single and covid keep me here.

I love her as a person still as well. But my attraction to her is less as I feel she is not attracted to me.

Please offer your thoughts and advice?

Maybe you're 'rubbing' her the wrong way! Ask her how she likes it.

Have you spoke to her about this without accusations or guilt? It’s so easy to take any attempt to talk about sex as either of those even when not intended. Be open and honest. It may be she feels the same as you

It sounds like she just doesn't fancy you.If she's repulsed by your touch, that's a pretty sure sign. There's more to life than a nice house - you're still young. Don't let the fear of being single stop you from leading a fulfilling life. You could be around for another 60 years. Is this life what you want?

@nolovelost

Maybe you're 'rubbing' her the wrong way! Ask her how she likes it.

She says she has never liked being touched. I'm not just talking intimate touching. Even if I rub her arm or hair she says the sensation causes physical pain.

Maybe she gets the vibe that you're not that in to her too. That you're only there for material things rather than her.

Sounds to me you are not happy in the relationship as a whole and only you can do something about that.

@Stinkywizzleteets

Have you spoke to her about this without accusations or guilt? It’s so easy to take any attempt to talk about sex as either of those even when not intended. Be open and honest. It may be she feels the same as you

We have tried to talk about it. But I always feel silly and she takes it personally. I don't want someone to have sex with me as a duty. I want her to enjoy it and her to enjoy satisfying me.

Definitely worth having the chat as all the other areas of your lives together seem compatible. However your 35 now in your sexual prime and it's a shame your not able to enjoy it to the best. Do you still wish to be in the same position in 10 years time? Unlikely.

@MaelyssQ

It sounds like she just doesn't fancy you.If she's repulsed by your touch, that's a pretty sure sign. There's more to life than a nice house - you're still young. Don't let the fear of being single stop you from leading a fulfilling life. You could be around for another 60 years. Is this life what you want?

I certainly don't want to regret life. I could be single for the rest of my life but I feel like I'd rather give it a chance to see if I can meet someone that is more on the same page sexually.

Its so important to me. But also feels so selfish of me.